When Praying Isn’t Enough: How God, IVF and Surrogacy Guided Me To My Child

This title is meant to push buttons….

It’s meant to make you stop and read and think and question…

Truly not trying to offend anyone…honestly…just giving a different perspective.

Now first, let me say…I believe in prayer, I believe in Jesus..I believe in God.

Let’s not get this confused…

But let me tell you a story…one, I am sure most of you have heard (in one version or another)…

A religious man was once caught in rising floodwaters. He climbed onto the roof of his house and trusted God to rescue him. A neighbor came by in a canoe and said, “The waters will soon be above your house. Hop in and we’ll paddle to safety.”

“No thanks” replied the religious man. “I’ve prayed to God and I’m sure he will save me”

A short time later the police came by in a boat. “The waters will soon be above your house. Hop in and we’ll take you to safety.”

“No thanks” replied the religious man. “I’ve prayed to God and I’m sure he will save me”

A little time later a rescue services helicopter hovered overhead, let down a rope ladder and said. “The waters will soon be above your house. Climb the ladder and we’ll fly you to safety.”

“No thanks” replied the religious man. “I’ve prayed to God and I’m sure he will save me”

All this time, the floodwaters continued to rise until they soon reached above the roof and the religious man drowned. When he arrived at heaven he demanded a meeting with God. Ushered into God’s throne room he said, “Lord, why am I here in Heaven? I prayed for you to save me, I trusted you to save me from that flood.”
“Yes you did my child” replied the Lord. “And I sent you a canoe, a boat and a helicopter. But you never got in.”

But you never got in…..

That line has stuck with me for the past 20 years since I read that story. I wasn’t sure I would ever have to apply it to my life.

That is, until infertility reared it’s head.

Infertility turned my world upside down. Everything about how I thought my life would play out was thrown out the window and forgotten. I’m sure many of you can understand. It’s a blow…to the gut. I wrote about it back in 2013 when I found out my one and only tube was blocked…I then knew IVF would be the only way to my child…or so I thought it would be that “matter of fact”.

Oh…was I in for a ride….

And a ride it was…more a rollercoaster of disappointment, after disappointment. If you would have told me that’s what I was in for in 2013, I might have said…”Never mind”, “I won’t be able to handle all of that..”

But that’s not how my story played out.

But….what if I said no to the entire “ride”? What if I thought, even though all of this information is being presented to me, the doctors are encouraging me to go through IVF(too many times to count), then ultimately suggesting gestational surrogacy……

What if I said no to it all?

Well, I can’t say for sure but I don’t think I would be looking at the little miracle I just put down for a nap.

But that’s just me. That was what MY gut told me.

See, if you read the title and said to yourself, “This girl is trying to mock my faith in God.”

You could not be any more wrong.

I am hoping to strengthen your faith and gut instinct with what is best for YOU.

And if that means opening up about how MY decision making process brought me to MY happy….

Then so be it…

Questioning is good, listening is good, believing is good, understanding is good….

And supporting one another and celebrating together is the best.

For those of you still waiting for your miracle….just listen to your gut…that might be God nudging you in a direction…whatever that may be….

You certainly don’t want to miss “getting in” ….and I can’t wait to celebrate with you once your miracle arrives…


IVF #5 Update

And here’s the update…the cyst is STILL there…smaller…but still there.

My goodness…not exciting…frankly, annoying but…what can you do?

I’ve done IVF 4 times(one cancelled..and not sure I even mentioned it on here) and FET’s 6 times…all cancelled.

So what’s another delay. I am used to them and honestly, I expect them.

If something is actually on schedule for my reproductive organs, I question the doctor. Like, “Are you sure those are MY results?”

But that doesn’t happen often…so…

We are delayed.

He wants me to start birth control(which I hate..because I know it suppresses the heck out of my ONE lowly ovary 🙁 but what can I do…the cyst has been there for over 3 months…and obviously not going away…

So we listen to the Doc and hope something changes…

If not, life goes on..really…what can you do?

The one thing that has changed since having my son through surrogacy is plans. I can try to plan, figure out, guess, etc…but it’s not up to me.

It’s almost a relief actually.

When something doesn’t go as planned I think…well, this must be for the better because I don’t know why it happened this way..

So there’s that….a better plan….and that is what I will believe..

Thanks for checking in friends…really hoping some great things are happening with you all…let me know so we can celebrate something wonderful!(seriously want to read some great updates in the comments!)

Have a beautiful rest of your weekend!