Tag: Surrogacy

She Didn’t Have To Do It

I’ve been trying to figure out how to put it….but it’s pretty simple…”She didn’t have to do it”

My sister.

She didn’t have to carry our baby for us.

You see, I read a lot of infertility articles related to gestational surrogacy, and often times, there are women in need of a gestational surrogate stating, “If I only had a sister, surrogacy would be so easy.”

Uhhhh…well, first, even if you have a sister willing to carry, it’s not easy(at all) but second…even if you have a sister, that doesn’t mean she will automatically accept the responsibility of carrying your child for you. And I know plenty of women who need surrogates that actually DO have sisters….and still need to find someone….

I’ll admit it….I was very, very lucky. I didn’t even have to ask my sister. She offered. She called me up on my birthday(after about 3 years in)…and in the middle of her wishing me a happy birthday, and just some light-hearted talk…she blurted out, “You know I’ll do that for you.”…and I remember thinking..”Is she talking about what I think she’s talking about??”. And she said, “Ill carry your baby for you.” And all I could do is just cry.

You see, I never wanted to ask my sister. I didn’t want her to feel obligated or feel “forced” to carry my child…simply because she was my sister.

Because…….she didn’t have to do it.

I’ve gone over so many times what it took for us to have Baby W. I mean….holy cow…my timeline is HERE. And, the details of what gestational surrogacy entails(step-by-step) is a post I’m currently writing. But my sister, was the final piece that brought my son home.

Safely.

I always say “safely” because I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY wanted to be pregnant and carry my child. I was willing to do “almost” anything to make that happen. Just read my blog through all of 2015. I tried, and tried…month after month….year after year to prepare my uterus to carry an embryo…to grow into a child in my arms….

But it never was meant to be….

My sister was the perfect babysitter….for 9 months…she watched over him, nurtured him, cared for him and loved him.

And I could not have asked for anything more.

He loves his Auntie. He lights up when she talks. And I am so very happy about the bond they have….

All because….she wanted to do it……

not because she had to…

And for that….I will be FOREVER grateful…..and thankful beyond words…..




“Are You Going To Have Another?”

Yes, I’m going there…..

You see….I cannot stress enough how it BLOWS MY MIND(cue blood pressure rise) the way some people react when I introduce my son.

It usually goes something like this…

Me: “Hi (family member, friend, co-worker, associate, etc..) this is my new baby W.”

Friend: “Awww, he’s so cute! So, are you guys going to have another?”

Me(inside DYING, ANGRY, FLUSTERED, SAD, SHOCKED)…”Um…well, it took us 5 yrs to have him, he’s only 9 months old and we will need someone to carry another baby if we have one so….I don’t know……..it’s not that easy for us.”

And that usually catches them off guard and then they don’t know what to say next…….

Honestly…what in the heck?!?!?

And this hasn’t been a “one-time” thing…..

No, no, no…this happens almost weekly…

Which brings me to the question….WHY ISN’T ONE ENOUGH??!!

Where in our society does it state that you should have at least 2 children for you to be a complete family(or ANY children at all for that matter?)

This only hurts our infertility community more…putting pressure on us…

Now, I know I am in a unique situation. Not only did I have to go through multiple surgeries, rounds of IVF, failed FET’s, etc… but I also could not carry my son….so you would think other people, who know our story, would be extra sensitive….

Ummm…….nope.

It’s almost like they forgot what we went through…..and unfortunately, I can’t do that..I live with it every…single…day.

After battling infertility, having to use a gestational carrier to bring our child into this world and him being mere months old, you would think we would be able to simply celebrate him with family and friends without any hesitation or remarks reminding me of my barrenness.

Wow..

And to some…maybe I am overreacting….maybe others would not feel this way….

But, I know I don’t have to remind you all (the ones who actually read my blog get it) I can’t just decide that I want go through another IVF cycle and transfer an embryo to my womb…and then boom…here comes baby #2….

Not that easy(and..hello…that’s not easy at all anyways!!!!!)

So, we have one child. And we are THRILLED beyond measure with him.

Can’t I be happy for once? And not be reminded of what I “don’t” have?

It reminds me of this story of when I was still battling and in the throes of infertility, one of my good friends was trying to have a 3rd baby (she has two precious, healthy boys…but she wanted a third…and of course she wanted a girl). One day, she said, “I am just so depressed. I want to be pregnant again. I can’t handle my life right now.” (me inside..DYING..OMG..I don’t have ANY kids…me… who had been trying to have ONE baby for over 4 years!!) But I pulled myself together and with grace said, “Stop, you have two beautiful, healthy boys…all is good.” And she said, “Well, I want to have about 4 kids so all is not good, you just don’t get it.”

And wow…….no, I didn’t get it….because I remember thinking how I would have died to have just one of her sons. I remember thinking how I would love to have 4 kids too…but I don’t know if that would ever happen for me…so one…sure, one would be great….and she already had two….and she was still depressed because she wanted three or four.

Perspective.

I’ve written about it before…but again…It reminds me of this quote I won’t ever forget…..

I still remember the days I prayed for the things I have now….

And it’s as simple as that….

Do you remember things you used to pray about that you have now?

Write them down today…or look them in their eyes….and remember how very far you have come my friend…

And if you are still praying for some of those things…keep going…listen to your gut…make decisions…believe…

I’ll be here for you and cannot wait until those prayers are finally answered too…

Oh…and just for future reference….the only time I want you asking me if I’ll have another….is of another glass of champagne…and to that, my answer is YES…a huge, nodding my head, glass out, ready for pour #2…YES!

Cheers loves and have a beautiful Monday….