Tag: Reproductive Endocrinologist

Please Just Listen….. #Listen Up! #NIAW #Resolve

It’s National Infertility Awareness Week and this year’s theme is “Listen Up!”

I think it’s truly a perfect theme.

After battling infertility for over 5 yrs, there have been so many times that I’ve simply wanted people to listen.

That’s all. Just listen.

Hear me. Hear my story. Hear my heart.

But instead, so many don’t truly listen and want to give advice, or offer suggestions, or just ignore the fact that you have infertility at all.

So please….Listen Up.

This may be Infertility Awareness Week…but for most of us who have infertility…..Infertility Awareness Week is every week…or rather every single day. #NIAWeveryday

Listen Up..

Infertility is a disease and should be covered by insurance. Period. What other disease in our world that affects 1 in 8 is not covered by insurance? 0. So how infertility is not recognized or covered BLOWS MY MIND. Listen Up! lawmakers, the infertility community is getting stronger every single day. We will be heard and we did not choose this disease! We deserve to have a chance at having a family like everyone else. #infertilityinsuranceforALL

Listen Up…

If you are diagnosed with infertility, be your own advocate! Doctors do not know everything and every patient is different. Some Reproductive Endocrinologists will treat every patient the same and use the same protocol on everyone. How does that make sense?? A lot of times different protocols/tests are necessary for different people. So it’s ok to ask for additional tests or procedures, if a doctor is not willing to listen to your concerns…then chose a new one! #beyourownadvocate

Listen Up….

You, my friend with infertility, are not alone. Yes, I’m talking to you. You will get through this..some way, some how. I have been through a lot, just take a look at my timeline. One ovary, blocked tubes, endometriosis, cysts, crohn’s disease, 7 surgeries, DOR, Low AMH, high FSH, Asherman’s Syndrome, persistent thin lining, 4 full IVF cycles, 6 FET cycles, gestational surrogacy. Not easy, not fun…but I survived. I’m always here for you if you have any questions…other bloggers were there for me during my darkest times and I will be here for you. #neveralone

Listen Up….

Many times IVF does not end in pregnancy or a baby. And I don’t mean to be negative at all…that’s just an unfortunate fact. And I don’t think that’s talked about enough. Doctors often give false expectations and that needs to change.  #IVFisnottheanswerforsome

Listen Up….

Sometimes, no matter how much money you spend, or don’t spend, what treatments you try or don’t try….it doesn’t work. And for those who are left childless from infertility, not by choice, this is for you. I am simply saying, “______”. It’s blank because I don’t know what to say. I am not walking in your shoes so please, use your voice and educate myself and others. Supporting the entire infertility community is what we all should be doing and your voice should be as loud as others with success stories. #childlessnotbychoice

Listen Up….

And finally, to the 7 in 8. We know you won’t ever truly understand us…and that’s ok. We know you don’t know what to say. We know you are uncomfortable with our infertility. And we also know that one of the most important things you can do is the theme of this year’s NIAW……..just simply listen. If we want to talk about our IVF cycle, we will talk about it. If we want suggestions on how to get pregnant, we will ask. If we want to research donor eggs, donor sperm, surrogacy, adoption, we will. So please, the most helpful thing you can do is just be there for us to talk when we are ready. And when we are ready, you will certainly be the first to know. #7in8pleasejustlisten

For the most up-to-date information about infertility, please visit: Resolve.org

Operative Hysteroscopy #3-Return of The Scar Tissue

PicCollage (1)

I’ve been meaning to write this post for a little while..so here we go:

After I got the disheartening news regarding my sister and going down the road of surrogacy, I thought to myself…well, I guess it’s back on me.

I thought long and hard that maybe this was all supposed to happen like this…

To force myself to be left with only my womb.

For some reason, I saw it as a sign….so I went back to my sonohystogram pics that I had last IVF from March 2015…and there seemed to be some sort of growth…and it didn’t look right to me.

So I called Dr. March again. Btw…Dr. March is one of the most admired gynecological surgeons in the world. I mean, I’ve been to MANY RE’s and spoken to numerous Dr.’s around the world and whenever I mention his name, respect and admiration flow in abundance. He also happens to be one of the nicest surgeons I have ever met. Probably the best bedside manner ever. Anyways, I digress, He performed my 2nd hysteroscopy and is an Asherman’s Specialist. I showed him my pics and he was confident that scar tissue had grown back…….not good at all.

So I scheduled my 3rd operative hysteroscopy.

It’s never fun but I guess you can say I’m getting used to going to the hospital and being put under, not something I look forward to but I’m getting pretty good at it. I kissed my hubby goodbye and off I went into surgery.

2 hours later….I woke up to Dr. March telling me all of the additional scar tissue he found. He said that my uterus looked like it was “hourglass” shaped due to the dense adhesions in the mid fundus area on both sides 🙁 There was also a small amount of fluid and a small hematoma in the top of the uterus midline filled with old blood.

Well…isn’t that all…just great(insert extreme sarcasm)

Why does this keep happening? It doesn’t make any sense. Even to my RE’s.

He also inserted a Cook balloon stent and I had that in for about 2 weeks. I had a Cook stent in last time too…and that is supposed to keep scar tissue from reforming…but for some reason my scar tissue continues to reform and I had a small hematoma(???)

All of this is just not good friends. I ran this by my other RE and he said that scar tissue shouldn’t continue to reform if there is adequate endometrium to carry a pregnancy. He also mentioned that even if I were to get pregnant that I am at a significantly higher risk for placental problems and pre-term delivery….

So what in the h*ll am I still doing?!?

Why do I continue to put myself through pure torture? Emotionally, physically and financially???

I had my follow-up with Dr. March. I couldn’t really read him this time. He’s usually pretty positive, but this time, he simply recommended I have ANOTHER hysteroscopy. omg. Seriously, I don’t know if my cervix or uterus can take this anymore. It wouldn’t be an operative hysteroscopy but and in-office hysteroscopy during mid-cycle. He wants to view what is actually happening inside of my uterus during a natural cycle and why my lining continues to stay thin.

So, that’s what we will do.

Hysteroscopy #4…and that’s next week.

I almost feel like my body isn’t mine anymore. Honestly.

SO many surgeries. So much medicine. So many shots, hormones, anesthesia. So many times I’ve had to block the pain.

SO much heartache.

How can one person handle all of this?

Sometimes I feel like I am running in a circle, I keep doing the same things over and over again…but then, when I try to get out of the circle(like surrendering to surrogacy), I get thrown back in and denied.

What else can I do?

As I type this, no kidding, I hear a baby crying outside of my window.

To some, it’s a nuisance……but to me, it’s the most magical sound in the world. 

And that’s why I am doing this. To hear that sound. To love that sound.

To cherish that sound and all it encompasses.

For if everyone would have to go through my (our) challenges of becoming a mother, children would be cherished beyond words.

They would be loved beyond measure.

They would be seen as the miracles that they truly are.

So if you have one of those miracles, think of me.

You are living my dream.

Because remember…..

Sometimes, what we take for granted is the miracle someone else is praying for.

I’ll keep praying for my miracle…I believe one day it will come true, I must believe.