Tag: Infertility

“When” Instead of “If” In 2018

“When I have a child…”

I remember saying that….over and over in my head. For years and years. Some would say to me “If you have a child…”, and I would correct them and say, “When I have a child…” And they would apologize, nod their head….pretending to understand…but knowing they didn’t…..

“When” instead of “If”….

One simple change of words….it’s significant though, isn’t it?

Say both sentences out loud…. “If I have a child.” or “When I have a child.”……different mindset, right?

And I knew THAT’S how I wanted to think about my future….THAT’S how I would get through the mounting struggle…year after year…..knowing that whatever I had to do…I would get there…

So here we go friends…this is a pep talk…

As the new year approaches…I know all too well how it stings when you’ve wanted to be a parent for so long and have not gotten there…….yet.

I was not sure WHEN it was going to happen…but I knew it would.

And I’m not one of those people saying..”Never give up!” “You’ll get pregnant naturally, just keep trying and relax!”

Ummm…no.

Not saying that doesn’t happen(because it does) but it just didn’t happen for me.

I had to give up on my body…period. And then I had to decide if I wanted to take the next step. I could have stopped there and said I was done. And I recently wrote about being done and giving up all together…because once you know…you know. And those that are forced to give up are some of the strongest people I know.

But for me….I couldn’t quite let go….in my gut…and my heart…..now, I wasn’t saying I was definitely getting pregnant or having a biological child…I was simply saying that whether it be my biological child, or if I could or could not carry my child, or if it would be a donor egg or sperm or adoption or fostering…some way, some how…. I WOULD become a Mother.

“WHEN I have a child…”

I put it out there. I was disappointed so many times…especially with my own body…which, I know many of you are feeling now.

Some of you are being told by doctors that you only have a 1% chance at becoming a parent. Or that you might never become a parent(which is what I was told).

And they couldn’t be more wrong.

Maybe you have a 1% chance at carrying your own biological child.

But NOT at becoming a parent…again…they could not be more wrong.

Genetics and biology are not the only way that “make” you a parent.

The definition of parent is this: “be or act as a mother or father to (someone)”

Even the online dictionary gets it….

So to kick off 2018….you’ll have to make some decisions…some you’ll be forced to make…and some you’ll choose to make…

Sometimes things fall apart so better things can fall together….

That’s what happened to me…

And my “If”…turned to “When”…

and became my “Now”

My “now” is what I dreamed of for so long…this “now” seemed so far away…for so long…. but it’s here…

All of the pain, all of the sacrifice, all of the struggle….

Brought me to now…

Make 2018 your “Now” my friends…

Sending peace, love, blessings and joy to you all!

Bring on 2018!!!!

She Didn’t Have To Do It

I’ve been trying to figure out how to put it….but it’s pretty simple…”She didn’t have to do it”

My sister.

She didn’t have to carry our baby for us.

You see, I read a lot of infertility articles related to gestational surrogacy, and often times, there are women in need of a gestational surrogate stating, “If I only had a sister, surrogacy would be so easy.”

Uhhhh…well, first, even if you have a sister willing to carry, it’s not easy(at all) but second…even if you have a sister, that doesn’t mean she will automatically accept the responsibility of carrying your child for you. And I know plenty of women who need surrogates that actually DO have sisters….and still need to find someone….

I’ll admit it….I was very, very lucky. I didn’t even have to ask my sister. She offered. She called me up on my birthday(after about 3 years in)…and in the middle of her wishing me a happy birthday, and just some light-hearted talk…she blurted out, “You know I’ll do that for you.”…and I remember thinking..”Is she talking about what I think she’s talking about??”. And she said, “Ill carry your baby for you.” And all I could do is just cry.

You see, I never wanted to ask my sister. I didn’t want her to feel obligated or feel “forced” to carry my child…simply because she was my sister.

Because…….she didn’t have to do it.

I’ve gone over so many times what it took for us to have Baby W. I mean….holy cow…my timeline is HERE. And, the details of what gestational surrogacy entails(step-by-step) is a post I’m currently writing. But my sister, was the final piece that brought my son home.

Safely.

I always say “safely” because I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY wanted to be pregnant and carry my child. I was willing to do “almost” anything to make that happen. Just read my blog through all of 2015. I tried, and tried…month after month….year after year to prepare my uterus to carry an embryo…to grow into a child in my arms….

But it never was meant to be….

My sister was the perfect babysitter….for 9 months…she watched over him, nurtured him, cared for him and loved him.

And I could not have asked for anything more.

He loves his Auntie. He lights up when she talks. And I am so very happy about the bond they have….

All because….she wanted to do it……

not because she had to…

And for that….I will be FOREVER grateful…..and thankful beyond words…..