Tag: Gestational Carrier

A “Not-So” Friendly Reminder…..

For the past couple of months, I’ve been blissfully taking care of my miracle son. All the struggle. All the money. All the pain. Finally, I can see in his eyes why I kept going. I can also honestly say that I am a different person now that he is here. I am happier. I enjoy every little thing. I appreciate my time. I am filled with joy.
It’s refreshing after so many years of bitterness and defeat.
But days like today remind me…it’s not all sunshine and rainbows.
I got a bill in the mail today.
And not just any bill. It’s my son’s hospital bill.
I found it odd that I hadn’t received anything in months but just figured it was taking some time for it to process through insurance. Immediately after he was born, instead of being put on our surrogate’s insurance, he was put under ours at the hospital. And to have that happen, and not have to adopt our own biological child, we had to go through lawyers, sign contracts and pay a hefty sum of money for 2 lawyers (well over $7,000+)….yes, ridiculous.
But obviously, that wasn’t enough.
The insurance covered NOTHING from his 2 days stay at the hospital.
And I am just so sad.
There’s always a reminder that I did not give birth to my son. I could not give birth to my son. I’ll never have given birth to my son.
Such a failure.
And now, thousands and thousand of dollars more. That we really don’t have.
Tears fall as I write this because I don’t understand. Surrogacy is just so much money(even if you’re able to have a family member be your surrogate…but that’s for another post.)
So now, I’m going to have to call the insurance again. Plead my case. Explain my very personal struggle to a stranger…..again.
How unbelievably invasive…and mentally and physically exhausting.
I’ve felt like I’ve been on trial during most of my experience with surrogacy.
I don’t like saying that, since it gave me one of the greatest gifts possible, but the laws and ignorance that still goes along with the word “surrogacy” makes me so angry.

They say: “Surrogacy exclusions”. “Surrogacy is not covered”. “Surrogacy laws”. “Surrogacy bans”. “Surrogacy should not be allowed”. “Surrogacy is not God’s plan.”

How about look at me. As a real person.

Look at my scars.

Tell me I didn’t try with all my might to give birth to my child. Tell me that.

Read MY story. Read my timeline. Look at our drained bank account. See my hair fall out of my head and leave me bald. Watch me inject myself with painful medications month after month…year after year after year…just hoping to make it to an embryo transfer. All failed. No other option with my broken body.

And then look at this perfect little baby. Tell me God did not want him here.

And you are not going to cover him finally entering this world?

I knew I had to fight to bring him into this world…but I thought I could let down my guard a little….but no.

So now, I have to fight for one more thing that most women don’t think twice about….

Always a reminder…of how I was unable to do one of the most natural things in this world…give birth.

I don’t mean for this to be so negative but I thought it was over…at least constantly being judged/criticized for having to use a surrogate…and the money…the loads and loads of money….

But no.

And I guess it doesn’t ever really end…

I just need to get used to it….or, as some of you have written me, “get over it”.

But one major lesson that I’ve learned….you never really understand unless you have truly walked in someone else’s shoes…and not just tried them on…like literally walked in them day after day, month after month, year after year.

So I will wipe my tears….I will be strong once again…..I will stand my ground…and I will get through this…

Breathe in…breathe out….he’s worth it all…and I’ll never stop fighting for him…ever.

 




Please Just Listen….. #Listen Up! #NIAW #Resolve

It’s National Infertility Awareness Week and this year’s theme is “Listen Up!”

I think it’s truly a perfect theme.

After battling infertility for over 5 yrs, there have been so many times that I’ve simply wanted people to listen.

That’s all. Just listen.

Hear me. Hear my story. Hear my heart.

But instead, so many don’t truly listen and want to give advice, or offer suggestions, or just ignore the fact that you have infertility at all.

So please….Listen Up.

This may be Infertility Awareness Week…but for most of us who have infertility…..Infertility Awareness Week is every week…or rather every single day. #NIAWeveryday

Listen Up..

Infertility is a disease and should be covered by insurance. Period. What other disease in our world that affects 1 in 8 is not covered by insurance? 0. So how infertility is not recognized or covered BLOWS MY MIND. Listen Up! lawmakers, the infertility community is getting stronger every single day. We will be heard and we did not choose this disease! We deserve to have a chance at having a family like everyone else. #infertilityinsuranceforALL

Listen Up…

If you are diagnosed with infertility, be your own advocate! Doctors do not know everything and every patient is different. Some Reproductive Endocrinologists will treat every patient the same and use the same protocol on everyone. How does that make sense?? A lot of times different protocols/tests are necessary for different people. So it’s ok to ask for additional tests or procedures, if a doctor is not willing to listen to your concerns…then chose a new one! #beyourownadvocate

Listen Up….

You, my friend with infertility, are not alone. Yes, I’m talking to you. You will get through this..some way, some how. I have been through a lot, just take a look at my timeline. One ovary, blocked tubes, endometriosis, cysts, crohn’s disease, 7 surgeries, DOR, Low AMH, high FSH, Asherman’s Syndrome, persistent thin lining, 4 full IVF cycles, 6 FET cycles, gestational surrogacy. Not easy, not fun…but I survived. I’m always here for you if you have any questions…other bloggers were there for me during my darkest times and I will be here for you. #neveralone

Listen Up….

Many times IVF does not end in pregnancy or a baby. And I don’t mean to be negative at all…that’s just an unfortunate fact. And I don’t think that’s talked about enough. Doctors often give false expectations and that needs to change.  #IVFisnottheanswerforsome

Listen Up….

Sometimes, no matter how much money you spend, or don’t spend, what treatments you try or don’t try….it doesn’t work. And for those who are left childless from infertility, not by choice, this is for you. I am simply saying, “______”. It’s blank because I don’t know what to say. I am not walking in your shoes so please, use your voice and educate myself and others. Supporting the entire infertility community is what we all should be doing and your voice should be as loud as others with success stories. #childlessnotbychoice

Listen Up….

And finally, to the 7 in 8. We know you won’t ever truly understand us…and that’s ok. We know you don’t know what to say. We know you are uncomfortable with our infertility. And we also know that one of the most important things you can do is the theme of this year’s NIAW……..just simply listen. If we want to talk about our IVF cycle, we will talk about it. If we want suggestions on how to get pregnant, we will ask. If we want to research donor eggs, donor sperm, surrogacy, adoption, we will. So please, the most helpful thing you can do is just be there for us to talk when we are ready. And when we are ready, you will certainly be the first to know. #7in8pleasejustlisten

For the most up-to-date information about infertility, please visit: Resolve.org