Missed Calls

It was yesterday morning. We were out of town on vacation…celebrating our anniversary. My husband woke up to numerous missed phone calls and texts. He knew something was wrong. He called back the first person who called him…a co-worker. His face drew worried….his eyes welled up….an accident? A stroke? I couldn’t hear anything and was panicked beside him…..he hung up.

One of his best friends was on life support…it seemed he had a stroke……silence…..gut wrenching silence….

Tears poured down my face….I thought of him and then thought of his wife. Like us, they are going through infertility. They’ve been married for 8 years and have been trying for a baby for about 3 years now. We recently talked about how on our next vacation, we hope to both be pregnant….and now, her husband is on life support. How everything gets thrown into perspective. How my heart aches for her. How one day, they are posting fun, happy pictures on facebook and the next day in ICU at the hospital.

I’m honestly still in shock and can’t believe I am even able to type this…but I know the power of prayer….and I know by reaching out and asking for help in praying….we can help them through this….

So please friends, if you wouldn’t mind offering up some prayers…they need some during this dark time….let’s shine the light of prayers upon them….bless them lord…..heal him….grant them peace….

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My HSG Experience & Acceptance

If you’re reading this, you’re either thinking about having an HSG or have had an HSG or are just curious about the whole process.

I read through TONS of blogs and comments on websites regarding the HSG experience……and I was TERRIFIED. The things that people write and how they explain things is….well….DRAMATIC. Now mind you, it’s not the most pleasant thing in the world….BUT I read things from ladies on other blogs and sites that said “it felt like I was dying”….seriously?! I mean, I’m sure that everyone has different thresholds of pain….but come on……if that felt like you were dying, how in the world are you going to go through childbirth??

This was my experience:

I took aboutĀ 800mg of ibuprofen 1 hour before the procedure. I drove there by myself. Checked in, changed into the gown and went into the radiology room. The radiologist asked if I was allergic to iodine(because that’s what they use to fill up the uterine cavity) and explained what was going to happen. I laid on the table first and they took an xray with nothing inside of me. Then it all felt a little like a pap smear at first. The balloon then went in and the pressure of the dye. There is some pressure….but I would say it’s more of a “weird” feeling than actual “hurt”. I do have a pretty high threshold for pain though, so maybe it is me. I did actually hold the nurses hand because the radiologist kept having me move around and turn to different sides to get better views. All in all it took about 1 hr from check in to finish.

Now for the results….not good. This is when I wish my husband was there with me šŸ™ They told me that, the dye was “puddling up” in one area and there seems to be a lot of scar tissue around my ONLY tube. So my tube was blocked. And worse, it looks like I have something called “hydrosalpinx” as well. HydrosalpinxĀ (I didn’t even know what that meant) butĀ blocked tubes…I did. Tears began to flow and I was beside myself. Knowing what that meant. Most likely IVF. Ā I was devastated.

As I changed back into my regular clothes, tears continued to overflow. I couldn’t stop. And this is where…if you believe in God or not….someone was watching over me. A lovely older woman, asked if I was o.k., she took my hand and asked if I wanted her to pray for me….and I did. I was inconsolable. At that moment…when you’re alone….and flashes of everything you have read and heard about IVF go through your head…..alone….having someone…a stranger…see you helpless and offer their hand and comfort…..made me believe in human kindness again. She took my trembling hands and placed them in hers and prayed. A sense of peace came over me. Now, I am not overly religious but I do believe in God and I believe that we all have our life path. It made me realize, this must be my path. And I accepted it…right then and there…..

Throughout my life….I’ve had ups and downs. But…some of the downs…brought me to where I am today….and I have to be thankful for it all. And I am thankful for this diagnosis. Though it seems I’ve been given a “bad break”….I get it. I get that it took me years to finally break into my career field…but I did it. I felt like I would NEVER find the man I was meant to marry in L.A…..and I did. And this….well, I just know that this is the way that we will create our family. This is the way it is supposed to be…meant to be. I am so very thankful that we are living in a day and age that we have the option of IVF. That there is the technology to help us safely create a life, outside of the body, and have it transferred into our womb to continue growing….a true miracle.

I know my journey has just begun….but I know that one day I will be holding a miracle…my miracle.

I know in my heart….and I won’t give up until I do.

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