Category: Women

Part One-The Gestational Surrogacy Process: Finding Your Surrogate

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If you’ve ever been faced with the gut-wrenching news that you may not be able to carry your child and have a successful pregnancy, I’m talking to you.

I understand how you feel. It is overwhelming. You are in denial. And you simply just don’t want to accept it.

But, if you’re like me, you try everything available and then there comes a day when you’ve hit rock bottom and you throw your hands in the air and “give in” to what they’ve all been saying: You must use a gestational carrier/surrogate to bring your babies into this world.

I never really thought it would come to this. I honestly didn’t.

But after 4 years, you start to think (o.k, you start to get desperate) and you just want your baby safe in your arms…simple as that. I thought, if I don’t get to experience the 9 months of pregnancy, so be it. I’ll have a lifetime of love to give this little miracle..and 9 months goes by at the drop of a hat.

And here we are, about to start this process.

Now, I first started researching Gestational Surrogacy 2 years ago. And it scared the crap out of me.

When you begin looking online, it is clearly geared towards women who might want to become gestational surrogates. Young, healthy, moms that have already delivered a baby or two. Luring them with cute baby pictures and large amounts of money that they can earn. Obviously, most women can carry babies with no problem. Only a few women who have this problem and men looking to have their child through a surrogate are ones in need…and it shows. Then the agencies start popping up. Everywhere.

And then there’s the money part of it.

I have to talk about that because it is unreal. When I started realizing the cost through an agency, I gave up. I did. I thought, there is no way anyone can afford this. I mean, I guess I could if I moved in with my parents, sold my car, worked extra hours, etc…but truth be told….all estimates were between $80,000-$100,000…..omg.

On the other hand, I really didn’t want to make any of my family members feel like they had to volunteer or feel forced to volunteer because they had a “normal” uterus. I mean, it is a unbelievable question to ask, “Will you carry my baby for 9 months? And then give it to me?” thanks…yep. Family or not.

So I waited and I kept trying on me. I was such a lost cause. Month after month. Cancelled FET after cancelled FET. It was becoming normal and I was slowly becoming hopeless.

Until my sister called me.

It was my birthday in 2014.

She called to say happy birthday and then the small talk stopped and she just said it, “You know, I would carry your baby for you if you need me to.”

And silence…..

I hadn’t even talked to her much about all I have gone through…she just knew since I had so many surgeries and never a pregnancy….

Then tears…I couldn’t even talk. I said, “No, sis…thank you but no, I couldn’t ask you to do that.”

And she said, “You don’t have to ask, I want to do this for you and your hubby.”

And that just killed me. She wanted to help me. She wanted to help make my dream come true.

So selfless. So caring. So kind. So much love.

You know, some of you may think, well, if I have a sister she should want to carry my child for me if I couldn’t. But it’s not that easy and a lot of times not the case. Many will say they will, but if it really came down to it, they wouldn’t. I’ve also met many women who have sisters that can’t carry for them or simply won’t carry for them.

It’s not an easy decision.

But here’s my sister, offering to provide the home to house our miracle for 9 months. What a gift.

So that’s half the battle right? We found our surrogate, my sister. Should be smooth sailing from here….

Wrong….this is only the beginning and a LONG road ahead….

Part Two coming soon……..

 

Giving Up On Getting Pregnant

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2016 is here.

If you read my last post, 2016 is my year of “Acceptance”. I know, it doesn’t sound too exciting but I have to say, a little relief has already come from that decision. I’m accepting what 2016 has in store for me good, bad or ugly….and I know I can handle it.

So what comes from that decision is also something that I wasn’t sure I could ever really “give up”. But I’m ready to say.

This year, I’m giving up on getting pregnant.

You see, I’ve never, ever been pregnant. Like ever. It’s something I’ve always dreamed of, just as many of you dream of or fortunately have achieved.

But it hasn’t happened for me….ever. And I’ve tried EVERYTHING. Well, everything legal in the USA. I would continue to try naturally, if I could as well, but I don’t have tubes so, I’ve done everything possible with the help of many RE’s….and it just hasn’t happened.

I don’t want to act like this isn’t a big deal. Because it is. It is huge. Most of you, even though some of you are still not pregnant will eventually become pregnant. I’m, unfortunately, a part of the extremely small group of women(less than 0.6%…yep, not even 1%) that have such chronically thin lining that it acts like it’s on birth control when it’s not…and a baby cannot survive in a lining that is 3mm thick.

It really comes down to this for me: Do I want to be pregnant? Or do I want to have my child brought into this world healthy and safe?

Obviously, it doesn’t even come close. I just want my embryos to have a chance at life. I feel it in my gut that one of my frozen embryos from January 2014, will be my baby or babies….and I cannot risk them on me. They are too precious to waste on my miserable uterus to continue to try on me. If you remember, I tried to get a couple of more blasts by doing a 3rd IVF cycle, but we were left with ZERO embryos, more debt and more heartache than I thought I could endure.

So I’m giving up on trying to get pregnant.

BUT

I am NOT giving up on my baby blasts.

And fortunately, we just received news that my beautiful sister’s surgery was successful and she’s been cleared to be our gestational carrier 🙂

Now, this is one small step. If you’ve ever looked into using a gestational carrier, it is beyond the most overwhelming thing possible…like ever. But, I have my sister….and that should make it so much easier….right?!

WRONG.

I swear, they almost make it harder because it’s someone you know and are related to. There are no breaks, at least in California, that they give you for using a relative.

For example, you would think, that since it’s my very own blood sister(who, God willing would be the child’s Aunt), that we wouldn’t really need a formal contract drawn up by a lawyer…at least that’s what I thought…..ummm..but nope. And that alone costs well over $6000+……and it’s my sister….and it makes me sick that after EVERYTHING we have already spent, that we have to now go and spend money on things like that….and that’s just one piece of this giant puzzle when you decide to use a gestational carrier.

But, if this ends up working. Or should I be really positive and say WHEN this ends up working.

I won’t care.

I won’t care about it all and I will thank God for the miracle that is born into this world.

I will be forever grateful to my amazing sister and I will pray that it will finally all make sense.

So, in short, I’m moving on. I’m done with my body, I’m over myself. Chapter closed for now.

But there’s also finally some good news folks. My sister’s uterus has healed….and we are now in business.

FINALLY some good news…let’s keep it going 2016…

We sure are off to a good start…..