So the title says it all…once again……cancelled.
Apparently, I ovulated on CD10….what? Who does that? Me. Oh, and I have a cyst…so all around…no go.
If it hadn’t happened to me SO many times before, I might be a little shocked…but I’m not.
It seems like anything I try to do…either fails, gets cancelled or falls apart all together. I am so confused and lost at this moment…
4 years friends….I know others who have been trying for a lot longer…and I know it is pure torture…every month…every year…every holiday. I seriously thought this year…this Christmas, we would have a child or be pregnant…but I wait and wait and wait.
I’ve had frozen embryos since Nov.2013 and Jan.2014….my babies have been frozen for almost 2 years. I know some of you get sad when you can’t have a fresh transfer…and have to wait a month. I wish I only had to wait a month…or 2 months..or 1 year…but 2 years. If my first IVF cycle would have worked, I would have a one year old….I would have a one year old in my arms.
But they are still frozen…with nowhere to go.
Every time I go to my fertility clinic, I think of them. Every time I drive by my clinic, I think of them and can only say a prayer that I’ll be back for them.
But I need a healthy uterus. I refuse to put them in a hostile environment. I tried once and I still feel bad about being selfish at that moment, knowing that little embryo, realistically, didn’t have a chance.
Now, I didn’t do PGS testing on my embryos, but I just love them. No matter what. And I know many women who are still trying to create embryos and I am blessed that I have some…I just pray that they will find a place to grow for 9 months…a healthy place.
So, that’s where I’m at now…I’m waiting for this cyst to shrink and hopefully we can do that follow up hysteroscopy soon. I’m also talking with my sister again about her being my gestational carrier. I never believed that I would have to be considering surrogacy. Ever. But my focus are my embryos…my babies….and I want to give them a chance..I want them to grow and become my babies and I’ve slowly come to accept that if it can’t be in my womb…I will find a womb.
Thank you all for your continued support…I’ll keep you updated…xoxo