Category: Power of Prayer

ERA Test (Endometrial Receptivity Array)-Hope For Thin Lining??

Era-designstyle-candy-m

Sometimes, on days like this, I’m consumed with “figuring out” why my lining refuses to grow.

So, of course, I turn to Dr. Google. But you know what the saddest part about that is? Researching the SAME topic for almost 4 years yields the same results you’ve seen for almost 4 years. Never really anything new. So I re-read articles that I’ve read many times before…and sometimes, you find something you may have missed…some inspiration.

One of the articles, or research papers I’m talking about is this one:

http://www.researchgate.net/publication/260994775_Live_birth_after_embryo_transfer_in_an_unresponsive_thin_endometrium

Reasearchgate.net has provided me with a lot of information about our health and bodies in general, but this article seems like it was written for me to read. Here, a 35 yr-old woman with premature ovarian failure and atrophic/thin endometrium gave birth to a child….and her lining measurement at transfer was a whopping 3.5mm. Yes, I typed that correctly, 3.5mm folks.

Now, most people would say….”Why in the world would they transfer an embryo into a uterus with that measurement in the first place?!?” Well, first of all, where she is from, surrogacy is illegal and second, because of a little test called the ERA Test, Endometrial Receptivity Array.

It can basically tell you if your lining is “pre-receptive”, “receptive”, or “post-receptive”. Some people are having failed IVF’s and FET’s simply due to the fact that they are transferring their embryo on the wrong day. Most people have a 5 day transfer of a 5 day blastocyst, but some people need a 6 day transfer of a 5 day blast, or a 7 day transfer…and some opposite…some need a 4 day transfer, etc. How exciting that they can take a biopsy and it can show if it’s receptive to an embryo or not!? I think this is such a breakthrough and I believe will help a lot of women.

So that brings it back to me. Me and my chronically thin lining. It has plagued me for YEARS. If you’ve followed me for a while, you know this. At one point last year, every single month, I went through the FET process. ALL the pills, shots, meds, ultrasounds, etc…..and every, single time…it was cancelled due to thin lining. Just exhausting.

Now, I’ve known about this ERA test for almost 2 years. I just thought my lining needed to be more at 6mm to really try it. I guess when I read this paper, I missed the 3.5mm! How in the world could I miss that part?

So that’s what I’m going to do. If my lining is at 4mm….I’m still going to do the test. If it surprises me and gets to 6mm or dare I say 7mm, I’ll try it then too.

I mean, at this point, I have nothing to lose. More time? Well, that’s happening as we speak. More money? Well, this is why we work and don’t own a home.

Surrogacy is my next plan…and that “plan” of mine was stopped before it could even begin.

So is this it? Could this be the missing piece of the puzzle to me bringing home my embabies??

In MY very own uterus??

Only time will tell, I currently have a cyst(that’s been hanging around for 2 months! boo) so that needs to disappear and after that I’ll have a 4th hysteroscopy and then try to grow this lining for the biopsy for the ERA. It’s a long process but I’ve got nothing but time….time and faith that all of this will bring me my babies.

My embryos that have been frozen for almost 2 years…..2 years.

I won’t stop…I haven’t forgotten about you babies…I just want to give you a safe home to grow.

So that’s what I’m determined to do…..and it WILL happen…

Some way….some how….it will happen.

Mark my word….I won’t stop until it does. Period.

 

 

 

The Truth About Being More Infertile, Than Infertiles

( btw…I hate the word “infertile” but I couldn’t find another word that would make sense)

The truth about being more infertile, than infertiles……

Is there even a thing?

Yes, I’m here to tell you….yes, there is.

And, I’m reminded of that today.

As we speak……I’m being “lapped” by infertiles.

I’ve touched on this topic before but basically, it’s infertile women having their 2nd child before I’ve even had my first. Now, sure, being lapped by fertiles…..happens almost every, single day.

But infertiles, people that are supposed to be like me???

(cue, punch to the gut)

O.k…now, this is simply an observation and raw personal truth. Please do not see this as me not supporting other infertile women, because that’s not my point at all.

I’ve been here a while. 1,280 days to be exact. And, no, this is not a competition. I know plenty of women who have been trying to conceive A LOT longer, and even some with more complex issues.

But think of it this way, when you find a group of women that you feel you can finally relate to…you open up to them…share your deepest secrets, and they fight hard, pray hard, research hard, just like you, and their dream finally comes true. They get pregnant and have a baby. You all celebrate together! They say, “You are next”, and you feel in your heart that it’s true…it happened for them…it will happen for me!

And then……….it doesn’t….like, years go by………. and it doesn’t.

And you try to relate to this group, that you’ve come to love….and you can no longer relate.

It’s like you’re peeking in the window of a beautiful party. You were invited, a couple of times before. And then things change, and you’re not invited this time. You show up, dressed appropriately, you bring a gift but you don’t have the credentials to enter. You are not a MOM. And you no longer belong….even with other infertiles.

Their posts are no longer related to infertility, but of their beautiful growing child. And then comes the time when they start talking about a sibling. And they get pregnant….again.

And you’re still in the same place you were over 3 1/2 years ago. Does it hurt? I will not lie…deep down, it certainly does. Jealousy rears it’s ugly head in no matter how happy I try to feel for them. Why are they blessed with a second child before I even am able to have one? And then I snap out of it. I tell myself…stop comparing and don’t let jealousy in! Because let’s be real, I want to be where they are…I want to get over this HUGE mountain to the other side…desperately.

But then you question yourself…have you done everything you can? Should you try something else? Should you see another Dr.? Get a 4th opinion? Spend more money? Pray more?

And then you’ve also seen miracles happen. With your own eyes.

Women who I actually KNOW battling infertility and only by God’s grace…they’re pregnant (Suz, Lily, T, to name a few). Women JUST like me…with my problems…got pregnant naturally…no meds, no planning, no vitamins….nada. They do have one up on me…they have tubes, I don’t 🙁 So, unfortunately, that won’t happen for me but it would be a MIRACLE even if I got pregnant through IVF with my uterus…and a tiny bit of hope creeps in when think of that….and as quickly as hope creeps in…reality sets in…and more disappointment.

I’ll write a medical update soon…but it’s not good folks…like really bad. And sad. I hate to leave you on that note…but that’s the reality of infertility.

If you are able to have a child in some way….I encourage you to stare at that face, memorize it, kiss that child of yours and thank God for him/her every…single…day.

Because for me, it is all a dream.

When I think of my child, I cannot see their face. I cannot hold them. I cannot kiss them. I cannot be there for them. I cannot simply love them.

I can only dream of that day.

So if you have a child…you are living my dream.

You are living my dream.

And I can only pray that one day my dream will come true too.

This song sums up my life right now: Dream- Imagine Dragons

“Everything’s a mess….but I want to dream, I want to dream, Leave me to dream…..”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWu7JDETw_I

Dreams