Category: Power of Prayer

Part One-The Gestational Surrogacy Process: Finding Your Surrogate

youhavenever

If you’ve ever been faced with the gut-wrenching news that you may not be able to carry your child and have a successful pregnancy, I’m talking to you.

I understand how you feel. It is overwhelming. You are in denial. And you simply just don’t want to accept it.

But, if you’re like me, you try everything available and then there comes a day when you’ve hit rock bottom and you throw your hands in the air and “give in” to what they’ve all been saying: You must use a gestational carrier/surrogate to bring your babies into this world.

I never really thought it would come to this. I honestly didn’t.

But after 4 years, you start to think (o.k, you start to get desperate) and you just want your baby safe in your arms…simple as that. I thought, if I don’t get to experience the 9 months of pregnancy, so be it. I’ll have a lifetime of love to give this little miracle..and 9 months goes by at the drop of a hat.

And here we are, about to start this process.

Now, I first started researching Gestational Surrogacy 2 years ago. And it scared the crap out of me.

When you begin looking online, it is clearly geared towards women who might want to become gestational surrogates. Young, healthy, moms that have already delivered a baby or two. Luring them with cute baby pictures and large amounts of money that they can earn. Obviously, most women can carry babies with no problem. Only a few women who have this problem and men looking to have their child through a surrogate are ones in need…and it shows. Then the agencies start popping up. Everywhere.

And then there’s the money part of it.

I have to talk about that because it is unreal. When I started realizing the cost through an agency, I gave up. I did. I thought, there is no way anyone can afford this. I mean, I guess I could if I moved in with my parents, sold my car, worked extra hours, etc…but truth be told….all estimates were between $80,000-$100,000…..omg.

On the other hand, I really didn’t want to make any of my family members feel like they had to volunteer or feel forced to volunteer because they had a “normal” uterus. I mean, it is a unbelievable question to ask, “Will you carry my baby for 9 months? And then give it to me?” thanks…yep. Family or not.

So I waited and I kept trying on me. I was such a lost cause. Month after month. Cancelled FET after cancelled FET. It was becoming normal and I was slowly becoming hopeless.

Until my sister called me.

It was my birthday in 2014.

She called to say happy birthday and then the small talk stopped and she just said it, “You know, I would carry your baby for you if you need me to.”

And silence…..

I hadn’t even talked to her much about all I have gone through…she just knew since I had so many surgeries and never a pregnancy….

Then tears…I couldn’t even talk. I said, “No, sis…thank you but no, I couldn’t ask you to do that.”

And she said, “You don’t have to ask, I want to do this for you and your hubby.”

And that just killed me. She wanted to help me. She wanted to help make my dream come true.

So selfless. So caring. So kind. So much love.

You know, some of you may think, well, if I have a sister she should want to carry my child for me if I couldn’t. But it’s not that easy and a lot of times not the case. Many will say they will, but if it really came down to it, they wouldn’t. I’ve also met many women who have sisters that can’t carry for them or simply won’t carry for them.

It’s not an easy decision.

But here’s my sister, offering to provide the home to house our miracle for 9 months. What a gift.

So that’s half the battle right? We found our surrogate, my sister. Should be smooth sailing from here….

Wrong….this is only the beginning and a LONG road ahead….

Part Two coming soon……..

 

Just Say You’ll Wait For Me…..

till kingdom

Almost exactly two years ago…this was in my post:

January 25, 2014

IVF #2-Yay! 6 blastocysts vitrified!

Now, I need my lining to cooperate. It’s never been above a 6….and that was pushing it…it’s always more like a 5.

I’ll be taking this month of Feb off to let my body rest and see how my cycle naturally goes (lining wise) and then use ALL of the big guns in March for an FET…at least that’s the plan 🙂

 

Well, that was the plan. At the beginning of 2014.

And we all know how “plans” go with infertility……out the window.

I really thought I would be able to grow my lining, like the 99% of women in the world.

But no.

I didn’t get it and since there was not much, at all, about chronic thin lining issues online…I was lost. And to be frank, I still am.

2 years later, 5 surgeries later, a failed IVF#3 later, a failed transfer later, 6+ cancelled FET’s later…….and here we are, January 2016, still waiting and praying for a safe place to put my embryos.

My embryos have been frozen for over 2 years. I worry about them. I worry that freezing them for too long will hurt them. I say hi to them every time I go to my clinic. I know where they are. Behind the door next to the waiting room. Tears form if I think too much about it…but I can only pray that they are safe and healthy and will be in a healthy uterus soon.

You see, because they are already my babies to me. I feel it in my gut that at least one of those blasts will become my baby. And my uterus is just incapable for some reason. I don’t know that reason but I’m ready to let go. It’s finally time to give my babies a chance…..

So this, this is a note to my frozen embryos:

I haven’t forgotten about you baby blasts. I’m going through the process of providing a safe home for you with your auntie for 9 months. And then a lifetime with me and your Daddy. I am going to make this happen, someway, somehow God willing. I know that He did not provide me with this love and devotion to become your Mom if it wasn’t in His will. I know you’ve been waiting, just please remember, I will come back for you. You are my children and I will give you a chance at life. I feel it’s our time now. I’ve been waiting all these years for you. Just please wait for me. It’s almost time. I promise.

Til Kingdom Come: Coldplay

One, two
Steal my heart and hold my tongue
I feel my time, my time has come
Let me in, unlock the door
I never felt this way before

The wheels just keep on turning
The drummer begins to drum
I don’t know which way I’m going
I don’t know which way I’ve come

Hold my hand inside your hands
I need someone who understands
I need someone, someone who hears
For you I’ve waited all these years

For you, I’d wait ’till kingdom come
Until my day, my day is done
And say, you’ll come and set me free
Just say, you’ll wait, you’ll wait for me

In your tears and in your blood
In your fire and in your flood
I hear you laugh, I heard you sing
I wouldn’t change a single thing

And the wheels just keep on turning
The drummers begin to drum
I don’t know which way I’m going
I don’t know what I’ve become

For you I’d wait ’till kingdom come
Until my days, my days are done
Say, you’ll come and set me free
Just say, you’ll wait, you’ll wait for me
Just say, you’ll wait, you’ll wait for me
Just say, you’ll wait, you’ll wait for me