Category: In Vitro Fertilization

Nothing is harder……

“Nothing is harder than being a parent”, she said……”Oh, you’ll see”…

It only took me a second…and I wasn’t able to hold my tongue….

“Infertility is harder than being a parent”, I said.

She stared at me…almost personally offended….like I had blamed her for my infertility…….and didn’t say anything else…except, awkwardly…..”Oh well, you know what I mean.” and walked around me and out of the room….

But I thought to myself…….do you know what I mean???

The woman who said that to me actually planned¬†one of her pregnancies so she could be pregnant in September to have a baby before it was too hot outside…..uh uh…..

I still cannot believe that people can actually do that….like, mind blown that some people can…

So obviously, she never struggled to get pregnant, let alone go through everything I went through with not even being able to carry my own child….

Nothing is harder…hmm…

No, my friend, nothing is harder than: Crying every night for years and years to be blessed with a pregnancy..something most don’t even have to think about, to research thousand upon thousands of hours regarding treatment for your infertility, making your first call to a Reproductive Endocrinologist that’s not even covered by insurance, and to then spend thousands upon thousands of dollars on something that is not guaranteed, to be poked and prodded week after week..year after year, sobbing before giving yourself your first injection of medicine, and sobbing after giving yourself your 100th injection as well, believing you would “only” need one cycle of IVF..but 3 IVF’s later and you are still praying, attending baby showers and never knowing if it will ever be your turn, seeing pregnant women every day complaining and only wishing you could have those problems…and, for some, finally becoming pregnant and losing your baby…..losing maybe your only chance at ever becoming a parent……just to name a few….

So, no, being a parent is not “the hardest thing”

Being a parent is a gift. A gift that so many men and women pray for every day….

and so many more take for granted…..

I am speaking for those still battling, still fighting…..and wanting more than anything to walk in your shoes during your hardest day as a parent.

Infertility is harder than being a parent.

I know it is….and that’s something I’ll never ever forget.




 

 

Photo credit to: rmacsyackityyacks.wordpress.com

 

Answering “Why me?” in 2016….

As 2016 comes to a close tonight……I am humbled…..

For years, I would write about what the new year would hold…2013 I wrote about HERE…2014 I wrote about HERE and 2015 I wrote HERE…..

And in 2016…..I finally got the present that I’ve wished for my entire adult life…….my child.

I still don’t believe it…..

In a weird way…I feel like now, I can’t wish for anything else…because he is here….in my arms….and I don’t want to be “greedy”. I want EVERYONE to have their life dream come true. So if you are reading this and are still in the throes of infertility….I get it. To read about someone else’s happiness(especially when you may be going through one of the hardest times of your life during this holiday season) is really tough. You may think….it’s never going to happen…it seems to happen for everyone else…but not me…..

And boy do I get it….

I never thought this would be the way I would have a child…

It took me a while and it took many unconventional ways to make it happen….

And now, I wouldn’t have it any other way…

I touched on it on my last post...but I want to mention it again…

What I never understood, as I battled infertility, was…….”why me?”

I said it time and time again….waiting for an answer…and for so long I got nothing but bad news after bad news….

And I continued to ask……..”Why me???”

Why was I the one to have a ruptured appendix at age 10 that left me with an overly scarred uterus, only one blocked tube and one barely working ovary?

Why am I the one who is unable to even carry my child….being in less than 1% of the population?

Why am I the one to have all of this, along with a step child…a child that was conceived so easily between two people who seemingly hate one another now? Always a reminder of how easy it is for most…..

Why am I the one?

And now….I ask that same question….but in an entirely different way?

Why was I the one to be blessed with THIS little boy?

He is even better than I could have ever imagined…..

Why me?

And that answer is simple….I had to go through everything I went through for this child to be created….

Numerous IVF cycles, the exact month to retrieve the exact egg and my husband’s exact sperm, my sister offering to carry him for us….

Without infertility…my little boy would not be here…..and that answers why….

If I could’ve only understood that all of those years behind me….

I was depressed…I was lonely…..I was confused…I felt forgotten….

But I was wrong….

And if you are reading this…and you are still battling….realize that something wonderful will happen for you…

It’s happening now…while you are in your struggle….

And there is a reason….a reason for it all….

I know, easy for me to say now,…but again…look at my timeline/life….yep…tons of disappointment after disappointment……..

If you would have told me I wouldn’t even be able to carry my child….I might have said..forget it….

But that’s not how it played out. I had embryos…frozen 2 years before….I needed to give them a chance…

And boy am I ever thankful to have kept going….to accept failure of my own body…keep going….and to trust my gut…….

and someone else’s body with my embryo…..my little guy…

So, if there’s one thing my story can be for you…let it be this….

There is a plan all along…….

The “why me?”……that I asked myself and you may be asking yourself right now as this year comes to a close….

You must believe it will make sense some day…

So “Why me?” ……….well, because…….it HAD to be me……..to get what I have now..this happy, healthy baby…..the baby I was always supposed to have…

And wherever you are with infertility….”Why you?”

I think you know what I’m going to say……..but it HAS to be you….

You will be thankful it was you…you will understand why it’s you….

One day, you will finally be at peace and be able to look into those little eyes and say….

I’m so glad it was me all along…..

I pray you all have a blessed, safe and peaceful 2017!!