Category: Gestational Carrier

You’ve Won The Lottery!

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Congratulations!

Now, what would you do?

Have you thought about this question? I’m sure you have, and many others have as well. Most people would say they want to buy a new car, or their dream home, a tropical vacation, pay off their bills, maybe even donate to charity or never work again.

I’ve never wanted to win the lottery.

Seriously.

I’ve never really cared much for money. Sounds weird, I know, but let me explain.

I never had much growing up. Money broke my family apart. My Mom and Dad divorced over money. I had 3 jobs in college to get money to pay for my classes and housing. I moved out to California with $500 and no car. But I knew I would be ok. I’d find a job, I’d make it.

I never worried about money…even though I never seemed to have enough. So, honestly, I should have really wanted to win the lottery…right??

Nope. Not really. I had goals. I loved the challenge. I made $18,000 my first year living in Los Angeles. $18,000. I lived with 4 girls, shared a bedroom, walked to work, used TONS of coupons for food…I made it work.

I would always make it work. I never worried because I knew with hard work and determination….anything can be accomplished.

Until infertility.

And my whole world changed. My life has changed. I have changed. And I will forever be changed because of this disease.

You see because, to me, every woman who is able to give birth to her child has won the lottery in my mind.

Yes, if you are a Mom, YOU have won the lottery!

Sure, it’s not millions of dollars….but guess what folks, millions of dollars cannot buy what you have.

Have you ever thought of that?

Because, no matter how much money I save or spend, no matter how many treatments I go through, no matter how much research I do, no matter what Dr/RE/Scientist I meet with, no matter how many times I actually WIN the lottery…even if I won millions of dollars, if it’s not in God’s plan for me to have a child. I won’t.

In my heart, I don’t believe that, but it just got me thinking.

So many people say if they had more money things would be different, life would be better.

Sure, for some people, some things might be different, but would your LIFE be better?

If you had a choice to win $10,000,000 or be able to get pregnant and deliver a healthy baby, which would you choose?

Think about it……

Did you choose?

Because, I don’t even get a choice.

Think about that, if you HAD to choose…what would it be?

Sure some would say 10 million dollars and , “just adopt”, get a surrogate, use donor eggs, etc.

But for those of you that are able to get pregnant and actually have your own biological child, would you trade your child for $10,000,000?

Seriously, would you?

Now, take away $10,000,000 and replace it with $80,000 of debt trying to have a baby and still not being able to have a child.

That’s my life. No choice. Thousands of dollars in debt, no baby, no lottery win for me.

I don’t think most people get that.¬†They don’t understand how lucky they are to be able to have a child.

Either way….if you have a child, you have won the lottery, my friend.

Those of us battling infertility…..heartbreaking, soul-consuming infertility.

We don’t get that.

So, the next time you complain about being pregnant or complain about your child, or complain about anything really….just stop……

And remember, you’ve won the lottery. Life is good.

ERA Test (Endometrial Receptivity Array)-Hope For Thin Lining??

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Sometimes, on days like this, I’m consumed with “figuring out” why my lining refuses to grow.

So, of course, I turn to Dr. Google. But you know what the saddest part about that is? Researching the SAME topic for almost 4 years yields the same results you’ve seen for almost 4 years. Never really anything new. So I re-read articles that I’ve read many times before…and sometimes, you find something you may have missed…some inspiration.

One of the articles, or research papers I’m talking about is this one:

http://www.researchgate.net/publication/260994775_Live_birth_after_embryo_transfer_in_an_unresponsive_thin_endometrium

Reasearchgate.net has provided me with a lot of information about our health and bodies in general, but this article seems like it was written for me to read. Here, a 35 yr-old woman with premature ovarian failure and atrophic/thin endometrium gave birth to a child….and her lining measurement at transfer was a whopping 3.5mm. Yes, I typed that correctly, 3.5mm folks.

Now, most people would say….”Why in the world would they transfer an embryo into a uterus with that measurement in the first place?!?” Well, first of all, where she is from, surrogacy is illegal and second, because of a little test called the ERA Test, Endometrial Receptivity Array.

It can basically tell you if your lining is “pre-receptive”, “receptive”, or “post-receptive”. Some people are having failed IVF’s and FET’s simply due to the fact that they are transferring their embryo on the wrong day. Most people have a 5 day transfer of a 5 day blastocyst, but some people need a 6 day transfer of a 5 day blast, or a 7 day transfer…and some opposite…some need a 4 day transfer, etc. How exciting that they can take a biopsy and it can show if it’s receptive to an embryo or not!? I think this is such a breakthrough and I believe will help a lot of women.

So that brings it back to me. Me and my chronically thin lining. It has plagued me for YEARS. If you’ve followed me for a while, you know this. At one point last year, every single month, I went through the FET process. ALL the pills, shots, meds, ultrasounds, etc…..and every, single time…it was cancelled due to thin lining. Just exhausting.

Now, I’ve known about this ERA test for almost 2 years. I just thought my lining needed to be more at 6mm to really try it. I guess when I read this paper, I missed the 3.5mm! How in the world could I miss that part?

So that’s what I’m going to do. If my lining is at 4mm….I’m still going to do the test. If it surprises me and gets to 6mm or dare I say 7mm, I’ll try it then too.

I mean, at this point, I have nothing to lose. More time? Well, that’s happening as we speak. More money? Well, this is why we work and don’t own a home.

Surrogacy is my next plan…and that “plan” of mine was stopped before it could even begin.

So is this it? Could this be the missing piece of the puzzle to me bringing home my embabies??

In MY very own uterus??

Only time will tell, I currently have a cyst(that’s been hanging around for 2 months! boo) so that needs to disappear and after that I’ll have a 4th hysteroscopy and then try to grow this lining for the biopsy for the ERA. It’s a long process but I’ve got nothing but time….time and faith that all of this will bring me my babies.

My embryos that have been frozen for almost 2 years…..2 years.

I won’t stop…I haven’t forgotten about you babies…I just want to give you a safe home to grow.

So that’s what I’m determined to do…..and it WILL happen…

Some way….some how….it will happen.

Mark my word….I won’t stop until it does. Period.