Category: FET

A Letter To My Embryo on the Day of Transfer (Gestational Carrier/Surrogate)

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Dear Baby W,

This is the day we’ve been waiting for. Honestly, I have been waiting my entire life for this.

Over 38 years.

You were created in January 2014…over 2 years ago. For those 2 years, you were frozen with your brothers and sisters. It amazes me that, that is even possible. Every week and every appointment for over 2 years, I said hi to you and I prayed for you all. I tried with all my heart to have a uterus that you could call your home for 9 months, but it just wasn’t meant to be. I tear up even thinking about that but please know your Momma did ALL she could to carry you herself.

But I am putting you first.

You are and will always be my number one priority.

I’ll sacrifice to give you life…that’s now, forever and always.

Your Daddy and I have prayed over 1,427 days for you.

You are what I thought of in my darkest days. Your spirit, your soul. You were the light that kept me going. If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have put myself through all of this…but I know you are meant to be with us. I know you are our child.

This is the day.

Stay cozy in your Auntie, she is an amazing special aunt and I am so happy you will spend so much time with her. She will love you, as I will love you.

I’m praying that you have the health and strength to be in our arms in 9 months.

Please Lord, hear this prayer and keep our child safe.

Love, Mommy and Daddy

 

 

How Many To Transfer? FET (Gestational Carrier/Surrogate)

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With our upcoming FET to our gestational carrier (my sister!) tomorrow!!!, we’ve been asked many times, how many will you transfer?

I probably haven’t thought about this as much as most do because any time I have ever tried to have a transfer or had a transfer, we had no choice. Because of my damaged uterus, one embryo was my only option. Twins would be way too risky in this uterus. So going into this FET(with a “normal” uterus), I realized, we actually need to decide…one or two?

Obviously, this isn’t only my choice. My sister has a lot to do with it, as well as my RE’s opinion too.

So we talked. My sis and I talked and talked and decided….let’s go with 2 🙂 I was older when these embryos were created(36) and the chances are much slimmer when you bring the age factor in along with my DOR diagnosis too. So that’s, that….2 it is….right?

Well, after the last appointment, my RE was concerned about transferring 2. He said my blasts looked beautiful before they were frozen…even used the words “donor-like”….what?? I mean, in my 2nd round of IVF, I was fortunate to have 9 eggs collected and ended up with 6 blastocysts(!)…I was SHOCKED…and honestly,I still am shocked(and wonder if they are truly mine…I’m kind of serious) because we got zero on my 1st cycle and zero on my 3rd…..weird. But I digress….and I will take them!

My RE’s concerns are normal, I suppose…when you are dealing with “normal” patients. His concerns are that we have great looking blasts and they would most likely both implant(ummm…really?) and then he went into detail about risks with twin pregnancies and right then….I could see my sisters worry and shock on her face. He kept talking and trying to convince us that one would be safer for the baby and my sister. I definitely want the safest for them both…

But….I, on the other hand, am NOT normal. I don’t fall on the “normal” side of statistics and it’s usually not good.  I’ve been a patient of his for over 3 years…and I’ve never had a BFP. And this might be our only good shot. I mean, obviously, I would NEVER want to put my sister’s or babies health at risk but using a gestational carrier is not normal or easy. If we were using my uterus, obviously, we would only transfer one…even if I had a great uterus…because I could go back and transfer more into me.

But unfortunately, we don’t have that luxury.

I started being more set on 2 also because we have 5 blasts left. I used one on me (selfishly 🙁 ) and so we are left with 5. And if we transfer one…and are blessed enough to have a baby with that one blast, we still have 4 left…with no where to put them….and I want to give them a chance at life too. I know SO many (too many) of you would die for just one blastocyst, so please don’t take this as me complaining or worrying about something that makes you upset. That’s the last thing I want to do.

Please remember, I’ve been through hell and am giving up my dream of being pregnant, of growing my child inside of me, of wearing pregnancy clothes, of getting the congratulations, of having pregnancy pictures taken, of receiving the loving looks, of getting the experience of being pregnant, something most of you fortunately will be able to experience one day, all at a “chance” for my embryos to have a life. I’m just thinking it all through…..

And it’s all just so overwhelming…

After the appointment and after she researched a little more, my sister called me and said…”I think I only want to transfer one now…I’m scared”. And I get it. I truly do. She listened to my RE, read all of the statistics, read the message boards(yikes) and for “normal” people, it’s a pretty good chance that they would both take. I’m not convinced mine would…but that’s just me and the trauma I have been through. I am so beyond blessed that I even have a sister willing to do this that I want her to be happy and comfortable.

So finally last night, my husband and I decided…..that it will be up to my sister how many embryos are transferred….

All up to her…..100%.

And that’s that. It’s her body and her decision. And we are at peace with that….

Again, we are so blessed with her gift, that I want her to feel good about the decision and not pressure her into anything.

So she called me last night and………one embryo it is.

We will transfer our strongest A graded embryo tomorrow(!!!!)

I am happy with this. I am hopeful.

I am simply blessed to have a chance at having a baby.

Finally….we will have a chance.

(Prayers, baby dust, blessings, positive vibes, more prayers….all are welcome 🙂 )

I’ll update tomorrow!!