Category: FET

Ultrasound (Gestational Carrier/Surrogate)

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So here we are….ultrasound time.

I’ve been a bag of nerves I tell ya…I mean, how can I not be??

I have no control. This baby is in someone else’s body. It’s a blessing that it happens to be my very own sister…but still….it’s not my body.

And, let’s be real, true control is in God’s hands…so worrying is just worthless.

I decided, from the start of using a gestational carrier, that it was just going to work. Period.

I could not fathom it not working after everything we had already been through and then going through the long, drawn out, trying process of using a gestational carrier, giving up my dream of being pregnant, etc…..it’s just gotta work..right??

So with the first beta down and the second….it was ultrasound time….

This was it…..with my sister, my husband and I in the room(along with ALL of the nurses, staff, etc..ha!)

I am so very happy to announce:

We have one little babe growing..and with a strong heartbeat!

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Tears of joy rolled down my face when I saw that flicker!

It was surreal.

Not my uterus, not my body….but my baby….our baby…..wow.

What God and the science He has allowed to flourish is blessing us with is unexplainable.

Truly in awe.

And thankful. And hopeful.

And happy.

I haven’t felt “happy” in a long time. Like…a really long time.

My husband handed me a card after the ultrasound. He filled it out before we even knew….and this is what part of it read:

“Your endurance, frustration, sadness and determination have culminated to one of the single most wonderful emotions….JOY!”

Joy..yes…our embaby…Joy.

He ended the card with “Happy Heartbeat Day! 2016”

Yes…finally a happy day in that ultrasound room.

So, so many days had ended in ugly, sad tears…3+ years worth of ugly tears in that very room.

Finally some happy tears…..

Tears of Joy indeed.

Keep growing little Joy, can’t wait to see you again in 2 weeks!

 

Beta Results (Gestational Carrier/Surrogate)

First, I want to thank you all so much for your support. So many times I’ve felt so alone in this nightmare…and other times when I read your comments and texts, I feel I have the greatest friends/supporters that understand and truly “get it.”

Now, without dragging it out any further…..

I’m still not pregnant…..

 

 

But my sister is!! With OUR baby!!

Beta #1: 131 (9dp5dt)

I didn’t know I could ever be so excited for someone else to be pregnant 🙂

Our first embryo did not survive the thaw (and I was devastated) But either one or both of the other, low graded embryos, are still growing. Wow.

I’m numb……in a good way. I know this is just one tiny piece of the puzzle.

Unfortunately, I know not to get too excited.

That, friends, I believe is one of the saddest matters regarding infertility.

When others are overjoyed and hopeful with a positive pregnancy test, we cannot forget all of the pain and hurt we have endured so many times before.

But we must let go of the past.

This is new. This is hope. This is faith.

At this moment right now, we are pregnant.

I will celebrate. I will rejoice.

I will believe.

Beta #2 Monday.

***silently screaming inside…..YAY…Happy Day!!!!!!!!!!!! :)***