Category: Family

She Didn’t Have To Do It

I’ve been trying to figure out how to put it….but it’s pretty simple…”She didn’t have to do it”

My sister.

She didn’t have to carry our baby for us.

You see, I read a lot of infertility articles related to gestational surrogacy, and often times, there are women in need of a gestational surrogate stating, “If I only had a sister, surrogacy would be so easy.”

Uhhhh…well, first, even if you have a sister willing to carry, it’s not easy(at all) but second…even if you have a sister, that doesn’t mean she will automatically accept the responsibility of carrying your child for you. And I know plenty of women who need surrogates that actually DO have sisters….and still need to find someone….

I’ll admit it….I was very, very lucky. I didn’t even have to ask my sister. She offered. She called me up on my birthday(after about 3 years in)…and in the middle of her wishing me a happy birthday, and just some light-hearted talk…she blurted out, “You know I’ll do that for you.”…and I remember thinking..”Is she talking about what I think she’s talking about??”. And she said, “Ill carry your baby for you.” And all I could do is just cry.

You see, I never wanted to ask my sister. I didn’t want her to feel obligated or feel “forced” to carry my child…simply because she was my sister.

Because…….she didn’t have to do it.

I’ve gone over so many times what it took for us to have Baby W. I mean….holy cow…my timeline is HERE. And, the details of what gestational surrogacy entails(step-by-step) is a post I’m currently writing. But my sister, was the final piece that brought my son home.

Safely.

I always say “safely” because I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY wanted to be pregnant and carry my child. I was willing to do “almost” anything to make that happen. Just read my blog through all of 2015. I tried, and tried…month after month….year after year to prepare my uterus to carry an embryo…to grow into a child in my arms….

But it never was meant to be….

My sister was the perfect babysitter….for 9 months…she watched over him, nurtured him, cared for him and loved him.

And I could not have asked for anything more.

He loves his Auntie. He lights up when she talks. And I am so very happy about the bond they have….

All because….she wanted to do it……

not because she had to…

And for that….I will be FOREVER grateful…..and thankful beyond words…..




Not Ready

I’m way behind so I’ll try to catch you all up…..
Last week, I drove over 13 hrs to my sisters’ house. By myself….well, and my 3 dogs 🙂 I’m staying with her until baby boy gets here and I’ve got to say…I’m having some weird feelings. I left my husband and I realized that the next time I am in our home…it will be the 3 of us and our 3 dogs. Wow.

And I got scared.

All of a sudden, I don’t feel ready.

I know that must sound so weird to most of you. If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you know that this is all I’ve wanted and dreamed of my whole life….so I should be more than ready….right??

But that PTID(post traumatic infertility disorder) that I’ve talked about sneaks in and I doubt myself as a mother. For almost 5 years, I have been preparing to be a mother but all of a sudden, I feel I’m “not ready”….just not yet.

Baby boy could come at any time now. My sister had her last baby at 36 weeks…and we are past that….

And I’m terrified.

I don’t think I have everything. My husband will need to fly here last minute, because of his job, and I am so scared he will miss the birth of our son. I’m worried for my sister. I don’t want anything to go wrong. I could go on and on……

The more I think about it, I guess these are pretty normal feelings that I should have but I didn’t expect any of them. Especially the “not ready” part….I should be ready after all I have been through…right??

Really, I only expected to feel pure JOY……but there are still those “what if’s”….and until he’s in my arms I think I will continue to feel this way….

Again, he’s not even growing inside of me…that might make me feel a little different if I had a bump or I could feel him kick….maybe that would make me feel more “prepared”? Who knows……..

Oh, this route to parenthood is not an easy one….

but it IS one….and it is MY way…

and I need to embrace it all…

So for now, I will embrace these feelings…..

And in all reality……I know I am ready….

I mean…he is on his way……..could be days, could be weeks…but he will be here and I will be a Mom…

Finally………I am actually going to be someone’s Mom 🙂