Category: Best Friends

Numb…

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You know that you’ve been on this infertility journey for a while when one of your best friend’s tells you she’s pregnant and you don’t feel anything. Just numb….

That’s what happened today. Numb. I knew she was trying.They started trying 12 weeks ago. She’s now 12 weeks along.

Numb.

I so wish to be that friend that squeals and jumps up and down with JOY over her pregnancy announcement. But I just feel numb.

She was hesitant to tell me too. She’s one of the only friends I’ve actually told about SOME of my issues. She has NO clue that I’ve already been through every HSG, Sono, 100s of blood drawings, 2 IVF’s, multiple cancelled FET’s…and so on. I don’t have to tell you all what we go through…it sucks

I’m not jealous, I’m not mad, I’m not sad, I’m not confused…I’m just numb.

I’m asking myself now though…will this change? Will I “feel” again? Will I only allow myself to be happy after we have a child?

I know children bring happiness…but, right now, for me….a child=happiness. Its not right.

I know it’s not right…I’ll get through it…but “true” happiness? I haven’t felt that in a long time. I can put on a happy face, I can laugh, I can have “fun”….but it’s always in the back of my head….OR it’s ALWAYS brought up.

Anyways…this literally JUST happened and I started writing……you all.

You all are the ones I think about first. You all are the ones that pop in my head when I see anything “pregnant”.

You get it. You’re the only ones that get it.

Thanks for being there…my “Get It Girls” 🙂 xoxo

 

Do You Believe In Miracles?

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I do.

And I’m about to tell you why…..

We have these wonderful friends T & M…good friends of ours and on their own journey of infertility. She and I talk about it often. I remember last June talking to her on the beach and they were hoping to be pregnant around then to have a March baby. Both of their birthdays are in March. She just knew that was going to be the month…but no…not positive. After 8 years of being married and years of trying naturally, she decided to make an appt with an RE for September 4, 2013. She was hopeful and I was comforted that we would be on this journey together…we would be there for each other…and God willing be pregnant in due time….together 😉

Then the unthinkable happened. Her husband passed away…unexpectedly…one of those…unbelievable accidents…..an absolute…”no way”…”Not T” moments. It was beyond devastating for everyone. And especially her. I wrote about it here and here back in Sept.

She never made it to that RE appt….

What would you do? I felt so connected to her that my heart broke…I felt like I could FEEL her pain. I sobbed and sobbed…and seemed like it would never end.

I didn’t know what I would do if I were her?

How could I go on?

I wouldn’t be able to go on….they’ve been together for almost 14 yrs. 14 yrs with your soulmate. And now he’s gone…forever…

How can you move on?

I took her to dinner about two weeks after his passing and it was sad but there was a light in her…a strength that I couldn’t believe. She was much stronger than I could ever be….I gave her a hug and said…”I’m here for you”….she said…”I don’t know how I’m doing this…but I am still alive and I’m trying to live day by day”

She is still alive…this event has made me thank God every day for EVERY DAY I’m alive. Fertility became second to having a wonderful life and an amazing husband. I still have a husband. She does not…it makes me sad every time I even think about that…

But then this happened…

Something so unbelievable that if I didn’t know her…and heard this story…I wouldn’t believe it.

In an email sent to a couple of people…was an ultrasound picture with the words “I can’t wait to see you again in May T”

Confusion at first….and then tears….loads and loads of tears came flooding down my face.

She is pregnant…and due in May….with T’s baby….a healthy baby boy 🙂

A TRUE miracle.

Unbelievable, I know. But this is real.

She got pregnant the day before he passed. It was Labor Day weekend.

She only revealed this to all of us recently. She wanted to make sure she was in the clear and around 20 weeks along…

I wanted to share this with you all because I know…sometimes it seems like there’s no hope. You have done everything. Prayed every day. And you are still waiting on your miracle…well…keep praying…

Because as you see…..

Miracles DO come true….

**A miracle- is an event not ascribable to human power or the laws of nature and consequently attributed to a supernatural, especially divine, agency.[1] Such an event may be attributed to a miracle workersaint, or religious leader. A miracle is sometimes thought of as a perceptible interruption of the laws of nature. Others suggest that **God may work with the laws of nature to perform what are considered miracles.**

~~~~~~UPDATE: M gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby boy in May 2014. I know his Daddy is looking down on him from Heaven smiling ear to ear 🙂 I am so very happy for them :)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~