Did you ever think positivity could become toxic?
Let me give you a few examples of positive phrases many people say:
“Trust me, you’ll get over it!”
“Good vibes only!”
“Stop being so negative!”
And the favorite of the infertility world: “Never Give Up!”
Now, I think these “positive” words of advice are good at times(for some people) but other times may make someone feel the opposite…especially during infertility.
I mean, I have heard these over and over again. At first, it was ok. But after 5 years of infertility and nothing working, constant disappointments, while others achieved their dreams..over and over again. I just started to despise hearing them…especially from people who had….absolutely NO CLUE what I was going through or frankly didn’t even care to listen…they didn’t listen.
And THAT is where positivity becomes toxic my friends.
Positivity becomes toxic when people do not listen.
When you recognize people are just uncomfortable with what you are going through, they don’t know what to say and then just say those words of positivity…well, just because….they think that’s what they’re supposed to say. Now I can’t fault them for not having empathy for what I’ve gone through…because they can’t. But throwing those words around is not ok…toxic positivity can actually make people feel worse about their situation.
If someone going through infertility never has a child…then what? That “never give up” phrase or “just keep trying” phrase is torture. Like, are they a total failure because they “gave up”? Not in my book…the opposite, in fact, because when men and women are BRAVE enough to “give up”….because they literally gave it all they had…emotionally, financially, etc…that is where I applaud them. I stand up and applaud the courage it took to come to that forced acceptance. Do you think they wanted to give up? They were forced to give up and we need to understand that as a society of people. So please, support those who gave up as much as someone who succeeded….especially within the infertility world.
But what can you do while they are going through the hard times? Well, for me, if you were my friend?
I’d want you to say, “Hey, I couldn’t imagine what you’re going through, but I’m here for you. And then you would hand me the LARGEST glass of Pinot Grigio(Santa Margarita please 🙂 , a giant slice of pizza AND a cupcake(Magnolia Bakery or Sprinkles…or, who am I kidding… ANY cupcake), sit next to me on the couch while we watch Project Runway, The Bachelor and Sex In The City reruns.. I mean…now, that’s the kind of positivity I want in my life 🙂