“When I have a child…”

I remember saying that….over and over in my head. For years and years. Some would say to me “If you have a child…”, and I would correct them and say, “When I have a child…” And they would apologize, nod their head….pretending to understand…but knowing they didn’t…..

“When” instead of “If”….

One simple change of words….it’s significant though, isn’t it?

Say both sentences out loud…. “If I have a child.” or “When I have a child.”……different mindset, right?

And I knew THAT’S how I wanted to think about my future….THAT’S how I would get through the mounting struggle…year after year…..knowing that whatever I had to do…I would get there…

So here we go friends…this is a pep talk…

As the new year approaches…I know all too well how it stings when you’ve wanted to be a parent for so long and have not gotten there…….yet.

I was not sure WHEN it was going to happen…but I knew it would.

And I’m not one of those people saying..”Never give up!” “You’ll get pregnant naturally, just keep trying and relax!”


Not saying that doesn’t happen(because it does) but it just didn’t happen for me.

I had to give up on my body…period. And then I had to decide if I wanted to take the next step. I could have stopped there and said I was done. And I recently wrote about being done and giving up all together…because once you know…you know. And those that are forced to give up are some of the strongest people I know.

But for me….I couldn’t quite let go….in my gut…and my heart…..now, I wasn’t saying I was definitely getting pregnant or having a biological child…I was simply saying that whether it be my biological child, or if I could or could not carry my child, or if it would be a donor egg or sperm or adoption or fostering…some way, some how…. I WOULD become a Mother.

“WHEN I have a child…”

I put it out there. I was disappointed so many times…especially with my own body…which, I know many of you are feeling now.

Some of you are being told by doctors that you only have a 1% chance at becoming a parent. Or that you might never become a parent(which is what I was told).

And they couldn’t be more wrong.

Maybe you have a 1% chance at carrying your own biological child.

But NOT at becoming a parent…again…they could not be more wrong.

Genetics and biology are not the only way that “make” you a parent.

The definition of parent is this: “be or act as a mother or father to (someone)”

Even the online dictionary gets it….

So to kick off 2018….you’ll have to make some decisions…some you’ll be forced to make…and some you’ll choose to make…

Sometimes things fall apart so better things can fall together….

That’s what happened to me…

And my “If”…turned to “When”…

and became my “Now”

My “now” is what I dreamed of for so long…this “now” seemed so far away…for so long…. but it’s here…

All of the pain, all of the sacrifice, all of the struggle….

Brought me to now…

Make 2018 your “Now” my friends…

Sending peace, love, blessings and joy to you all!

Bring on 2018!!!!

11 Comments on “When” Instead of “If” In 2018

  1. Oh, how I LOVE this post! I’m an “if”-er and not a “when”-er myself, but you’re so right… staying in that mindset (faith in God in my situation) during the lowest points of this valley is tough stuff and not for the faint of heart. Mindset is critical! And we need one another, to help remind each other of that detemined, hopeful mindset during the dark days. So thank you for your encouragement, to me and to other women.

    The happiest of new years to you!

      • Ha! I got it Marixsa!! Yes! I know how hard it can be…especially during your darkest, lowest points..but we must try to believe that it will get better and cannot stay this way for long. Hope you have the BEST 2018 my friend!! xoxo

  2. I completely agree. For years we used to say “when” we have kids. Now that we have been through failed IVFs, miscarriage and fostering multiple children without getting to adopt any of them, I find myself saying “if” more and more. It is a definite shift in mindset.

    • Yes ivory angel…so, so tough. The disappointments seem to never end…but something MUST get better soon. Keep saying “when”…because I truly believe something wonderful is on the horizon for you this year friend!!!! xoxo

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