June 2015- I was thinking about giving up on my body after years of disappointment.
August 2015-I gave up on my body and started the process of gestational surrogacy.
I had to give up. I gave up on my body. Others give up on their genetics(donor eggs/sperm donor). Others give up on both their body and their genetics(foster/adoption). And others are simply forced to give up all together. And when enough is enough, it is a very personal decision. You know when you are done. And anyone that wants to judge you for your decision has obviously never walked in your shoes.
You see because this really isn’t even a decision that is ours to make now, is it?
We have been diagnosed with infertility…it is a disease. Period. We did not choose this part of our life.
While I was going through it all. I would question…”why me?” A LOT.
And I was lost for so many years. I just kept trying different treatments, vitamins, injections, surgeries, etc…all in an attempt to grow my lining to carry my child.
But nope. Wasn’t happening.
So I gave up.
And now, after it all…I have a one year old little boy.
So many people tell me….”See, you never gave up!” And I have to correct them…that I DID give up. If I wouldn’t have given up, most likely this little boy would not be here….
And for that I say….sometimes, you have to give up.
Giving up is not an easy thing to do. You lose a part of yourself by giving up.
You lose the life you THOUGHT you were supposed to live…..
And that is such a hard pill to swallow.
Social media doesn’t help…as everyone posts their “best” selves….and their “perfect” lives…
But no one is perfect…and behind those gorgeous, filtered, perfectly posed pictures is heartache of some sort..
Infertility is a special kind of heartache that most cannot see by simply looking at you…
So when you “give up”, many don’t get it….
And most won’t ever get it….
Because, once again, this “choice”…it’s not that at all…..just like those “perfect” social media pictures…
So when someone gives up…instead of asking “why”, or “why don’t you try this”, or “why didn’t you try that”
How about saying, “I have no idea how you are feeling but just know that I’m here for you.”
Giving up is one of the strongest decisions you are forced to make…..
And the ones who have given up are some of the strongest men and women I know.