For the past couple of months, I’ve been blissfully taking care of my miracle son. All the struggle. All the money. All the pain. Finally, I can see in his eyes why I kept going. I can also honestly say that I am a different person now that he is here. I am happier. I enjoy every little thing. I appreciate my time. I am filled with joy.
It’s refreshing after so many years of bitterness and defeat.
But days like today remind me…it’s not all sunshine and rainbows.
I got a bill in the mail today.
And not just any bill. It’s my son’s hospital bill.
I found it odd that I hadn’t received anything in months but just figured it was taking some time for it to process through insurance. Immediately after he was born, instead of being put on our surrogate’s insurance, he was put under ours at the hospital. And to have that happen, and not have to adopt our own biological child, we had to go through lawyers, sign contracts and pay a hefty sum of money for 2 lawyers (well over $7,000+)….yes, ridiculous.
But obviously, that wasn’t enough.
The insurance covered NOTHING from his 2 days stay at the hospital.
And I am just so sad.
There’s always a reminder that I did not give birth to my son. I could not give birth to my son. I’ll never have given birth to my son.
Such a failure.
And now, thousands and thousand of dollars more. That we really don’t have.
Tears fall as I write this because I don’t understand. Surrogacy is just so much money(even if you’re able to have a family member be your surrogate…but that’s for another post.)
So now, I’m going to have to call the insurance again. Plead my case. Explain my very personal struggle to a stranger…..again.
How unbelievably invasive…and mentally and physically exhausting.
I’ve felt like I’ve been on trial during most of my experience with surrogacy.
I don’t like saying that, since it gave me one of the greatest gifts possible, but the laws and ignorance that still goes along with the word “surrogacy” makes me so angry.

They say: “Surrogacy exclusions”. “Surrogacy is not covered”. “Surrogacy laws”. “Surrogacy bans”. “Surrogacy should not be allowed”. “Surrogacy is not God’s plan.”

How about look at me. As a real person.

Look at my scars.

Tell me I didn’t try with all my might to give birth to my child. Tell me that.

Read MY story. Read my timeline. Look at our drained bank account. See my hair fall out of my head and leave me bald. Watch me inject myself with painful medications month after month…year after year after year…just hoping to make it to an embryo transfer. All failed. No other option with my broken body.

And then look at this perfect little baby. Tell me God did not want him here.

And you are not going to cover him finally entering this world?

I knew I had to fight to bring him into this world…but I thought I could let down my guard a little….but no.

So now, I have to fight for one more thing that most women don’t think twice about….

Always a reminder…of how I was unable to do one of the most natural things in this world…give birth.

I don’t mean for this to be so negative but I thought it was over…at least constantly being judged/criticized for having to use a surrogate…and the money…the loads and loads of money….

But no.

And I guess it doesn’t ever really end…

I just need to get used to it….or, as some of you have written me, “get over it”.

But one major lesson that I’ve learned….you never really understand unless you have truly walked in someone else’s shoes…and not just tried them on…like literally walked in them day after day, month after month, year after year.

So I will wipe my tears….I will be strong once again…..I will stand my ground…and I will get through this…

Breathe in…breathe out….he’s worth it all…and I’ll never stop fighting for him…ever.

 




14 Comments on A “Not-So” Friendly Reminder…..

  1. Best of luck to you on this next battle. It really is unfair to go through what you have been through to begin with, and then to not have the support you need and DESERVE! I’m so sorry.

    Also, seriously people? “Get over it”??? If that is the kind of person you want to be, then fine, but keep it to your small minded self! That crap has no place here!!

    I’m sorry that people are actually saying that stuff to you. They really don’t get it. I don’t either, I have not been through your struggle, so I can give no advice, I will not pretend to know what it is like to walk in your shoes. But I do know that you have every right to be upset and angry about your struggle and the continued fights you have to battle.

    Isn’t it amazing though what looking into your miracle’s eyes can do? I do know that feeling. 🙂

    Much love.

    • Thank you girl…appreciate your support so much! And yes…after so many years…and so much heartache…our little miracle is worth it all 🙂 xoxo

  2. I’m so sorry you’re still going through all this *crap* for this.
    Obviously I don’t know your insurance situation, but I just gave birth to my beautiful IVF baby and even with following everything the insurance company told me to do, it’s still all screwy. If I paid the bills I got, instead of calling to straighten it out, I’d be out money for no reason. I’m getting bills for covered things because it was submit with wrong codes or whatever. So please, continue to question this stuff to get as much taken care of as possible.

    • Thank you…and yes…I’ve been trying to get it sorted out but it’s so confusing because of the gestational surrogacy part(even though he should have just been on my husbands insurance) and everyone is confused. They don’t have codes for it so they don’t know what to put…just exhausting. One day at a time and pray that it gets sorted out…xoxo

  3. I am so sorry! How very stressful. Have you considered a Go Fund Me page? I am betting you lots of people would love to help. Strangers here and there giving $20. And all us infertility sisters can re-post it to our blogs. Give it a try! Love, Kristin

    • Thank you Kristin….you are so sweet. If insurance doesn’t end up covering, I might have to try that….appreciate the support and suggestion my friend! xoxo

  4. I am so sorry hunny. All the stress you had to go through to get your little bundle of joy and the torture people put you through! Ugh! I hope they cover it and save you the money.

    • Thanks my friend! It is exhausting but I’m a fighter so we will see! Appreciate your support and always being here for me…always thinking of you too!!! xoxo

  5. I am so very sorry you have to deal with this trouble. It is t fair, and you are right, you’ve already been through so much. I hope things go smooth,y and they end up covering at least some of these bills. It seems on,y right to me, but what do I know? Hugs to you.

    • Thank you Ashleigh…I would think they would at least cover him…since he is a newborn and on our insurance but they have such weird codes and such…but really hoping for the best…thanks for the hugs and back at ya! xoxo

    • Thank you Angela….yes…power in the struggle…I am becoming super-human with all of this struggle though! Appreciate your support my friend! xoxo

  6. You are my hero! Not just as a fellow IF journeymen but such an amazing writer and storyteller.

    A while back I mentioned you should ‘cover’ stories b/c you have a unique ability to truly articulate well the experience of the individual from the emotional and intellectual side.

    I had a successful egg retrieval cycle of 14 eggs that ended up with 8 blastocysts but unfortunately the issues in my marriage forced us to take a pause on family planning. I don’t even know if my body will cooperate now or in the future. I am afraid of what waiting will do to jeopardize MY chances of a successful pregnancy.

    More and more I sense I will end up using a surrogate or gestational carrier. Not even sure if I know the difference between the two. Already I’m slapped with insensitive comments about being selfish for not automatically seeing the right option is adoption. Apparently it is wrong for me to want to have a child with my own DNA. This is not to say
    I’m not open to it, but apparently the right thing is to resign myself to adoption now. Unbelievable!

    • Thank you Lilith…everyone will have an opinion but you always should just go with your heart and gut. Best of luck in whatever path you take! Appreciate your support!! xoxo

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