As 2016 comes to a close tonight……I am humbled…..

For years, I would write about what the new year would hold…2013 I wrote about HERE…2014 I wrote about HERE and 2015 I wrote HERE…..

And in 2016…..I finally got the present that I’ve wished for my entire adult life…….my child.

I still don’t believe it…..

In a weird way…I feel like now, I can’t wish for anything else…because he is here….in my arms….and I don’t want to be “greedy”. I want EVERYONE to have their life dream come true. So if you are reading this and are still in the throes of infertility….I get it. To read about someone else’s happiness(especially when you may be going through one of the hardest times of your life during this holiday season) is really tough. You may think….it’s never going to happen…it seems to happen for everyone else…but not me…..

And boy do I get it….

I never thought this would be the way I would have a child…

It took me a while and it took many unconventional ways to make it happen….

And now, I wouldn’t have it any other way…

I touched on it on my last post...but I want to mention it again…

What I never understood, as I battled infertility, was…….”why me?”

I said it time and time again….waiting for an answer…and for so long I got nothing but bad news after bad news….

And I continued to ask……..”Why me???”

Why was I the one to have a ruptured appendix at age 10 that left me with an overly scarred uterus, only one blocked tube and one barely working ovary?

Why am I the one who is unable to even carry my child….being in less than 1% of the population?

Why am I the one to have all of this, along with a step child…a child that was conceived so easily between two people who seemingly hate one another now? Always a reminder of how easy it is for most…..

Why am I the one?

And now….I ask that same question….but in an entirely different way?

Why was I the one to be blessed with THIS little boy?

He is even better than I could have ever imagined…..

Why me?

And that answer is simple….I had to go through everything I went through for this child to be created….

Numerous IVF cycles, the exact month to retrieve the exact egg and my husband’s exact sperm, my sister offering to carry him for us….

Without infertility…my little boy would not be here…..and that answers why….

If I could’ve only understood that all of those years behind me….

I was depressed…I was lonely…..I was confused…I felt forgotten….

But I was wrong….

And if you are reading this…and you are still battling….realize that something wonderful will happen for you…

It’s happening now…while you are in your struggle….

And there is a reason….a reason for it all….

I know, easy for me to say now,…but again…look at my timeline/life….yep…tons of disappointment after disappointment……..

If you would have told me I wouldn’t even be able to carry my child….I might have said..forget it….

But that’s not how it played out. I had embryos…frozen 2 years before….I needed to give them a chance…

And boy am I ever thankful to have kept going….to accept failure of my own body…keep going….and to trust my gut…….

and someone else’s body with my embryo…..my little guy…

So, if there’s one thing my story can be for you…let it be this….

There is a plan all along…….

The “why me?”……that I asked myself and you may be asking yourself right now as this year comes to a close….

You must believe it will make sense some day…

So “Why me?” ……….well, because…….it HAD to be me……..to get what I have now..this happy, healthy baby…..the baby I was always supposed to have…

And wherever you are with infertility….”Why you?”

I think you know what I’m going to say……..but it HAS to be you….

You will be thankful it was you…you will understand why it’s you….

One day, you will finally be at peace and be able to look into those little eyes and say….

I’m so glad it was me all along…..

I pray you all have a blessed, safe and peaceful 2017!!

 




 

 

 

 

 

10 Comments on Answering “Why me?” in 2016….

  1. This made me full on cry- not just tear up. Hands down the best IF blog post I have ever read. You are truly a lovely person. Thank you for articulating exactly what we all need to get through the hard times. You deserve every last ounce of happiness and goodness ❤️❤️

    • Thanks so much Mamajo….means a lot….just wrote from my heart and with the year ending, I hope it helped those that read it. Hope you had a wonderful holiday with your little boy and congrats on your little embabies 🙂 Hope you have a beautiful 2017! xo

  2. Happy new year to you!

    I was lucky enough to get my dream of a beautiful baby boy this year swell, after 2.5 years of infertility and recurrent miscarriages. I don’t think I could ever wish for anything more than what I have been given after thinking it was never going to happen. it’s hard being happy and showing that your happy when you know there are so many others struggling, but this post is amazing and I hope those that need some strength during this hard holiday period read it!

    • Thank you Libby! Congrats on your baby boy! There are so many struggling…and I know that all too well…so I was just trying to be sensitive to so many this holiday season. Appreciate your kind words of support! xo

  3. Thank you. I want to commend you for the quality of writing. And for staying with us passed your success as most success storytellers in our universe soon lose the inspiration and stamina to report their journey. I understand because they belong to a different class where they no longer are in trenches of the IVF war and facing new battles and triumps. You are a gem! I am grateful for the time and effort you continue to devote to our community. Your voice must be heard. I wonder if you could “cover” other IVFers stories? Seriously, all of us have takes but only a select few van tell it with your style which is do simple, wise, easy to digest, unencumbered and well toned. Happy New Year! Your boy is beautiful!

    • Thank you Lilith! I love writing and I love helping those with infertility….I might just have to do that(cover IVF stories!) Great idea! Want to send me yours first?? 🙂 You can email it to me: dreamingofdiapers@hotmail.com I might try to get a couple and figure out a way to post! Thank you so much for your kind words of support! Hope you have a beautiful 2017 too! xo

  4. congratulations.

    Yes it had to me be, the questions and waiting are worth it. To finally hold your baby in your arms is the reason for all the pain.

    Have a beautiful 2017

  5. I came across your blog a few nights ago when I couldn’t sleep because overwhelming thoughts poured in as I prepare to start my IVF journey. I couldn’t believe the words I was reading. It was as if God lead me straight to your blog. I then shared it with a co worker who has also walked through infertility and we had a therapeautic cry (more like sob!) together over your well written words. Thank you thank you thank you for being a light in this dark world of infertiltiy. Congratulations on your beautiful baby boy!!

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