Dear Infertility,

Well, here we are. We’ve known each other for what 5, 6 years? To be completely honest, when we first met, I didn’t want any part of you. I didn’t know how you found me, where you found me and why you wouldn’t go away. You stalked me. I would ask you kindly to leave me alone…all those years…I asked you to please just go away.

But you didn’t.

I tried everything to lose you. I went to numerous doctors. I had every surgery possible. I did IVF cycle after IVF cycle….then FET cycle after FET cycle…..and you wouldn’t let me “win”.
I saw others beating you….year after year…I saw new bloggers struggling with you…and then on their 2nd IUI they got pregnant….or on their 1st IVF cycle pregnant….or even 3rd, 4th or 5th IVF cycle pregnant…but most of them “beat” you.

But me….you wouldn’t let me win….
So I was forced to look at other options…..all because of you…
You’re probably wondering why this is even a “thank you” letter at all…
Well…you see….I may not have “beaten” you infertility….but I found a way around you…and because of you, I am staring at my beautiful son.
That is why I thank you.

I thank you because every single second of every single day I appreciate my son.
I am a better mother because of you
When he cries…I smile because he is alive…
When he wakes me 3 times a night to feed…I get up because I am finally a mother..
And when he smiles…my heart explodes with a love I never even knew existed..
So that is why I thank you…

I thank you because of this little boy….the exact month for egg retrieval….and exact egg and exact sperm that was needed to create him was because of YOU….
Think about that for a moment….
If I was able to get pregnant easily….this little boy would not be here…a different child would…
It took you, infertility, to force us to create him…
And so I thank you…

I only wish that during those dark times…so many years….when I thought you were working against me…I could see…that you had my best interest in mind…
God knew what he was doing when he introduced you to me…
Wow…
Did I actually just say that?
Yes….I am thankful for infertility and for God giving you to me…
This little boy that I am staring at as I type…is the reason for this letter..
I understand now…I understand it all…and it finally all makes sense…
He would not be here without God and my infertility…
So thank you God…and nice knowing you infertility…
I guess we can be friends after all….

12 Comments on An Open Thank You Letter To My Infertility

  1. Yes!!!! I LOVE this letter and you pretty much took the words out of my mouth except the whole IVF thing because we could’t afford to go that route, but just the other day, I said that I’m thankful that our Birth Mom from this summer changed her mind because if she hadn’t, we wouldn’t have Annabelle and Annabelle so very clearly was meant to be our daughter. Thank you God, for the unanswered and completely answered prayers! Love to you, my dear friend! I think about you guys often and wonder how your little guy is doing. 🙂

    • Yes Dawn!!! I was thinking of all of us that couldn’t “beat” infertility..you and MPB and a couple others were on my mind writing this…and isn’t it the truth?! We wouldn’t have our little babies without knowing infertility..so I am thankful for it…obviously…getting to this other side makes that possible for me to understand it finally but hoping to let others know that sometimes not beating infertility is the best thing that can happen to you! So happy for you and your precious daughter Annabelle(love her name btw!!) Hope you all have a beautiful Christmas!!! Xo

  2. I was saying this exact thing to my husband the other day! imagine if we got pregnant when we first starting trying, imagine if one of those numerous miscarriages wasn’t a miscarriage after all, what if our infertility hung around for longer then it did and we kept ‘losing’ month after month for longer than we did. we never would of had our beautiful 7 week old baby boy that we have right now, who is sound asleep in his bouncer after not sleeping for 5 nights in a row, and I know that if I don’t wake him soon he is not going to sleep again tonight, but I don’t care, because he’s here, and he is mine for ever and I can sleep when he has moved out of home (hopefully in 50 years time)
    congrats on your wee man he is adorable!

    • Thanks a bunch Libby! Yes…our little guys are such blessings…and at just the right time…hope you have a great 2017! xo

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