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Our 12 week, 5 day ultrasound……wow.

I’ll be honest…I’m still in a “is this really happening to me?” mindset….

It all doesn’t feel real.

I should have posted this last week….but I didn’t feel right posting during National Infertility Awareness Week. Call me overly sensitive…but I just understand. Year after year, this has been MY week. My week to feel o.k. about myself. And it still is my week….I’m still infertile. I’m still not pregnant. I just somehow found a way around infertility to be expecting a baby at the end of this year…and I still cannot believe it.

Well, I didn’t believe it until I saw our little Joy’s face.

omg

I saw it. Not in my womb…it didn’t matter…..all I saw was that precious profile…

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Be still my heart.

Amazing.

Seeing Joy move, and kick and twist….

wow

We also did the Counsyl genetic testing for 2nd trimester. Now, as long as my sister’s(our gestational carrier’s) life is not in danger…we are keeping this baby regardless of the results. Some of you may disagree with our decision. And that is o.k….because this is not your baby or your decision to make. It’s ours. This is the baby we created. This baby is our miracle that is somehow able to grow in someone else. This baby was chosen for us. It is something we were forced to talk about months ago writing up our gestational carrier contract with our lawyers. So a decision had to be made. And that is why I support everyone’s personal decision. And isn’t it wonderful that we live in a society where we can make our own decisions 🙂 . I’ll update with those results as soon as we get them…should be in the next day or two!

But this little Joy has brought light back into my heart. I know my fellow blog friends understand. Those who have been through heartbreak after heartbreak. Many times I thought…”Why me?” and “When will it be my turn?” But what I am slowly understanding is…this is the way it was supposed to happen. This is the only way this little one could be created and brought into this world.

This was meant to be.

And the more I see little Joy grow. The more I “get it”.

It’s as simple as that.

We have another checkup in about 2 weeks…and then the big 20 week ultrasound after that…

It’s flying by and I could not be happier.

This may not have been the way I always dreamed of having a baby…

but it doesn’t matter anymore.

It doesn’t matter that I’ve been through too many IVF cycles and FET cycles. It doesn’t matter that we’ve spent more money than anyone should to have a child. It doesn’t matter that my body failed me too many times to count. It doesn’t matter that I’m not the one carrying our child. It doesn’t matter that I am not pregnant.

All that matters is that little face. Those tiny eyes, nose and lips….

and I can breathe………and say….it’s finally starting to make sense…

This nightmare…is finally making sense.



 

 

 

20 Comments on 12 week Ultrasound(Gestational Carrier/Surrogate)

  1. Ahhh a lovely lovely post. I dream that I can say ‘this is finally starting to make sense’ at some point in the future too. So pleased to read your happy update….you deserve it.

  2. I have tears and am at a loss of words. I am just so thrilled for you. It’s just amazing.
    Also, I understand your decision to wait a week, you are an amazing soul. But remember you get to celebrate and be joyful and I will be here every step of the way, no matter the date, cheering for you and baby Joy!

  3. So exciting!!!!!! I go for my 12 week ultrasound and downs test on the 13th. We did PGS on our embryos so all should be good, BUT in the event that it does come back positive we have already decided he is our son! We will welcome him in November 😍 No matter the results. I wish you the best dear!

  4. I am just filled with JOY for you. What a beautiful post, a beautiful message and a beautiful story for your miracle little one. I feel the same way about the genetic testing results. In fact- when I finally was expecting my son I didn’t even do the tests ( super niave of me I know realize but it felt right at the time) because as I told my doctor- even if it is a monkey we are keeping it :). And of course you were sensitive enough to delay this post even though your triumph is my triumph as far as I am concerned. You have earned this and so much more. Beyond happy for you. Xo

  5. Oh, Sweetie, I am just so happy for you. And I’m so happy it’s all making sense to you now and that you are completely at peace with how your baby is coming to you. Praying that all continues to go well!

  6. I’m so happy to read that things are still going well and that you have hope and light and so much love in your life right now. I want this for every woman who desires to be a mother. I know it doesn’t seem real, but it is!! Even when you are finally holding your baby, it won’t seem real. I squeeze mine every night and whisper in their ears “are you real?”

  7. *sobbing* I’m so, so, so happy for you and your husband!! I’ve prayed and prayed for this baby and I’m so happy (s)he is still growing!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️

  8. Baby Joy, you are absolutely beautiful and perfect in every way! Keep growing little one, all your moms fans are now your extended aunties and we are praying for you. Love and hugs to you and your family!

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