Month: May 2016

Genetic Results (Gestational Carrier/Surrogate)

Federal-Bank

We didn’t do PGS testing on our embryos.

Our doctor recommended it, due to my age, but I did my research and we decided against it. I am currently writing a post about all of the information and research I did on PGS and will post that information here soon…so stayed tuned!

But on to the results….

 

 

All negative 🙂

And I can breathe….

I’ll be honest, I’ve been holding my breath until we received these results. Again, regardless of the results…this is our child that was created for us and we were going to raise him/her to the best of our ability. But I was holding my breath because if we did have a positive result, I was ready to research more and continue to fight for our child…just as I have had to bring him/her into this world.

You see, because if you couldn’t tell….nothing in regards to having a baby has been easy for me. Nothing. So, I have always had to fight. I’ve always had to try something else.

I’ve always had to be “remarkable”.

Now, that might sound arrogant to some….but this is the medical definition….and hearing you are “remarkable” from an RE is never good. I mean, never good.

I’ve always wanted an “unremarkable” uterus. Yep. So simple. But instead, I am beyond remarkable. As my RE puts it, “You really need to be studied, I just can’t figure out your uterus”…thanks doc. I am part of the less than 1% of the population unable to carry a child(0.6%). It’s like winning the lottery……but then having to pay the lottery amount instead of receiving it…lucky me.

But now…..I have something that is “unremarkable”.

A normal child.

And I couldn’t be happier.

I’ve loved this child before he/she was created and I will love every “unremarkable” part of them.

I want this to give you hope.

If you are reading this, and still waiting for your miracle, please see my story as a sign of determination.

So many times I could have thrown in the towel, waived the white flag, said “that’s enough, I’m done.”

But I kept waking up, one foot in front of the other. I kept researching, asking questions. . If my body failed me, I was going to find a way…whether it be through donor eggs, surrogacy , foster care or adoption.

I’m telling you….where there is a will, there is a way. It may seem impossible. It may seem like you have done it all…and maybe you have….but there’s always another option.

And let me also just say…I am here for you.

This is why I write. I want to help. I want to encourage. I want you to achieve your dream.

You are all remarkable to me….not in the medical way …but as a friend.

There’s nothing more exciting than seeing fellow bloggers and followers achieve their dream.

I wasn’t sure I was ever going to be one of them…but slowly…it’s happening.

I don’t know if I’ll truly believe it until I have him/her in my arms…

And that day cannot come fast enough….

Come on Fall!

 

12 week Ultrasound(Gestational Carrier/Surrogate)

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Our 12 week, 5 day ultrasound……wow.

I’ll be honest…I’m still in a “is this really happening to me?” mindset….

It all doesn’t feel real.

I should have posted this last week….but I didn’t feel right posting during National Infertility Awareness Week. Call me overly sensitive…but I just understand. Year after year, this has been MY week. My week to feel o.k. about myself. And it still is my week….I’m still infertile. I’m still not pregnant. I just somehow found a way around infertility to be expecting a baby at the end of this year…and I still cannot believe it.

Well, I didn’t believe it until I saw our little Joy’s face.

omg

I saw it. Not in my womb…it didn’t matter…..all I saw was that precious profile…

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Be still my heart.

Amazing.

Seeing Joy move, and kick and twist….

wow

We also did the Counsyl genetic testing for 2nd trimester. Now, as long as my sister’s(our gestational carrier’s) life is not in danger…we are keeping this baby regardless of the results. Some of you may disagree with our decision. And that is o.k….because this is not your baby or your decision to make. It’s ours. This is the baby we created. This baby is our miracle that is somehow able to grow in someone else. This baby was chosen for us. It is something we were forced to talk about months ago writing up our gestational carrier contract with our lawyers. So a decision had to be made. And that is why I support everyone’s personal decision. And isn’t it wonderful that we live in a society where we can make our own decisions 🙂 . I’ll update with those results as soon as we get them…should be in the next day or two!

But this little Joy has brought light back into my heart. I know my fellow blog friends understand. Those who have been through heartbreak after heartbreak. Many times I thought…”Why me?” and “When will it be my turn?” But what I am slowly understanding is…this is the way it was supposed to happen. This is the only way this little one could be created and brought into this world.

This was meant to be.

And the more I see little Joy grow. The more I “get it”.

It’s as simple as that.

We have another checkup in about 2 weeks…and then the big 20 week ultrasound after that…

It’s flying by and I could not be happier.

This may not have been the way I always dreamed of having a baby…

but it doesn’t matter anymore.

It doesn’t matter that I’ve been through too many IVF cycles and FET cycles. It doesn’t matter that we’ve spent more money than anyone should to have a child. It doesn’t matter that my body failed me too many times to count. It doesn’t matter that I’m not the one carrying our child. It doesn’t matter that I am not pregnant.

All that matters is that little face. Those tiny eyes, nose and lips….

and I can breathe………and say….it’s finally starting to make sense…

This nightmare…is finally making sense.