Month: March 2016

Beta Results (Gestational Carrier/Surrogate)

First, I want to thank you all so much for your support. So many times I’ve felt so alone in this nightmare…and other times when I read your comments and texts, I feel I have the greatest friends/supporters that understand and truly “get it.”

Now, without dragging it out any further…..

I’m still not pregnant…..



But my sister is!! With OUR baby!!

Beta #1: 131 (9dp5dt)

I didn’t know I could ever be so excited for someone else to be pregnant 🙂

Our first embryo did not survive the thaw (and I was devastated) But either one or both of the other, low graded embryos, are still growing. Wow.

I’m numb……in a good way. I know this is just one tiny piece of the puzzle.

Unfortunately, I know not to get too excited.

That, friends, I believe is one of the saddest matters regarding infertility.

When others are overjoyed and hopeful with a positive pregnancy test, we cannot forget all of the pain and hurt we have endured so many times before.

But we must let go of the past.

This is new. This is hope. This is faith.

At this moment right now, we are pregnant.

I will celebrate. I will rejoice.

I will believe.

Beta #2 Monday.

***silently screaming inside…..YAY…Happy Day!!!!!!!!!!!! :)***


Night Before Beta (Gestational Carrier/Surrogate)


I literally feel sick.

I have no control. There’s absolutely nothing I can do now.

Whatever is meant to happen, has already happened.

And how about really having no control……this is not even happening in my own body.

It’s all happening (or not happening) in my sister’s body. 400 miles away.

Talk about truly having “no control”. At all.

I am so beyond nervous.

Tomorrow is beta day.

The day that could change my life or shatter my dreams.


But again, I have no control.

Doubt always rears it’s ugly head.

I guess it’s because nothing regarding trying to have a baby has ever really gone my way.

For all of these years, I have been disappointed.

Why should this be any different?

I am preparing myself….for good news……or bad news….

I hate that I have to do that….but it has been my life….for years.

I’ve given up almost everything for a chance to have this child…..even my own womb.

It all comes down to this….

Beta in less than 24 hrs….and we will know.