youhavenever

If you’ve ever been faced with the gut-wrenching news that you may not be able to carry your child and have a successful pregnancy, I’m talking to you.

I understand how you feel. It is overwhelming. You are in denial. And you simply just don’t want to accept it.

But, if you’re like me, you try everything available and then there comes a day when you’ve hit rock bottom and you throw your hands in the air and “give in” to what they’ve all been saying: You must use a gestational carrier/surrogate to bring your babies into this world.

I never really thought it would come to this. I honestly didn’t.

But after 4 years, you start to think (o.k, you start to get desperate) and you just want your baby safe in your arms…simple as that. I thought, if I don’t get to experience the 9 months of pregnancy, so be it. I’ll have a lifetime of love to give this little miracle..and 9 months goes by at the drop of a hat.

And here we are, about to start this process.

Now, I first started researching Gestational Surrogacy 2 years ago. And it scared the crap out of me.

When you begin looking online, it is clearly geared towards women who might want to become gestational surrogates. Young, healthy, moms that have already delivered a baby or two. Luring them with cute baby pictures and large amounts of money that they can earn. Obviously, most women can carry babies with no problem. Only a few women who have this problem and men looking to have their child through a surrogate are ones in need…and it shows. Then the agencies start popping up. Everywhere.

And then there’s the money part of it.

I have to talk about that because it is unreal. When I started realizing the cost through an agency, I gave up. I did. I thought, there is no way anyone can afford this. I mean, I guess I could if I moved in with my parents, sold my car, worked extra hours, etc…but truth be told….all estimates were between $80,000-$100,000…..omg.

On the other hand, I really didn’t want to make any of my family members feel like they had to volunteer or feel forced to volunteer because they had a “normal” uterus. I mean, it is a unbelievable question to ask, “Will you carry my baby for 9 months? And then give it to me?” thanks…yep. Family or not.

So I waited and I kept trying on me. I was such a lost cause. Month after month. Cancelled FET after cancelled FET. It was becoming normal and I was slowly becoming hopeless.

Until my sister called me.

It was my birthday in 2014.

She called to say happy birthday and then the small talk stopped and she just said it, “You know, I would carry your baby for you if you need me to.”

And silence…..

I hadn’t even talked to her much about all I have gone through…she just knew since I had so many surgeries and never a pregnancy….

Then tears…I couldn’t even talk. I said, “No, sis…thank you but no, I couldn’t ask you to do that.”

And she said, “You don’t have to ask, I want to do this for you and your hubby.”

And that just killed me. She wanted to help me. She wanted to help make my dream come true.

So selfless. So caring. So kind. So much love.

You know, some of you may think, well, if I have a sister she should want to carry my child for me if I couldn’t. But it’s not that easy and a lot of times not the case. Many will say they will, but if it really came down to it, they wouldn’t. I’ve also met many women who have sisters that can’t carry for them or simply won’t carry for them.

It’s not an easy decision.

But here’s my sister, offering to provide the home to house our miracle for 9 months. What a gift.

So that’s half the battle right? We found our surrogate, my sister. Should be smooth sailing from here….

Wrong….this is only the beginning and a LONG road ahead….

Part Two coming soon……..

 

13 Comments on Part One-The Gestational Surrogacy Process: Finding Your Surrogate

  1. I just wanted to send you a big hug
    I too have been on a fertility journey that involved 3 years, laporoscopy, tube removal and hysteroscopy due to lining trouble and 4 attempts before my beautiful daughter came into this world 3 months ago

    I was always so desperate to be pregnant BUT I ended up with hyperemesis gravidarum which destroyed pregnancy for me

    I hated every moment

    I know that sounds ungrateful but it’s an awful thing that robs you of your pregnancy

    The point I want to make is there really is no guarantee you would enjoy being pregnant and those 9 months are nothing compared to a lifetime with your baby

    It is being a mum that counts not being pregnant so please do not give up! Pursue this route! Xxxx

  2. I am so thankful you are sharing your journey. While this is a road less traveled, it is a beautiful experience that will bring your child into the world. I hope the hiccups are minimal and I wish you, your sister, and everyone else all the best. Hugs!!

  3. By you sharing this it will help so many people that also researched surrogacy. Like you, there would have been no way we could afford that… It’s so unfair that having a child is seen as a privilege. 🙁 Looking forward to reading part 2 and hope even though there are bumps in the road, you’re still moving forward. So much love and respect to your sister.. she didn’t even really know all the details, yet she volunteered. You are lucky to have her, not just because she offered, but because that says so much about her love for you. My sister knew every single detail of our story and never volunteered. She said, “There must have been something wrong with your babies, so it was a good thing you miscarried” or “it’s natures way of figuring it out.” I know you appreciate your sister so much and you’d do anything for her too. <3

  4. Your sister sounds amazing! My sister struggled with infertility, and finally ended up with three children, the last one born without any infertility treatment at all, and when I asked if she would think about surrogacy for me due to my severe Asherman’s, she pretty much said no. It was crushing for me. She did offer to be an egg donor after she weans her latest, but I need a surrogate as well, and we could never afford that.

    It’s something that I was going to offer to do for her, although at the time I didn’t realize that she didn’t need a surrogate and that my never having been pregnant before made me a less-than-ideal candidate, but I knew how badly she wanted children. She ended up getting pregnant before I had a chance, and I never told her that I had planned to offer her my help.

  5. You will definitely be faced with many financial and emotional hardships but remember it will all be worth it! Your sis is truly a blessing! Best wishes!

  6. What a wonderful and selfless person your sister is. I’ve started to dabble in the surrogacy research and it is so overwhelming and the cost associated with it is absurd. I can’t wait to read all of your updates. Sending hugs. xo

  7. Love this!!! I really appreciate you writing this too. I think a lot of people don’t realize what all goes into surrogacy. We looked into it for sure and still may end up using it in the future (yes I can apparently get pregnant it’s that whole preterm labor thing).

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