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Congratulations!

Now, what would you do?

Have you thought about this question? I’m sure you have, and many others have as well. Most people would say they want to buy a new car, or their dream home, a tropical vacation, pay off their bills, maybe even donate to charity or never work again.

I’ve never wanted to win the lottery.

Seriously.

I’ve never really cared much for money. Sounds weird, I know, but let me explain.

I never had much growing up. Money broke my family apart. My Mom and Dad divorced over money. I had 3 jobs in college to get money to pay for my classes and housing. I moved out to California with $500 and no car. But I knew I would be ok. I’d find a job, I’d make it.

I never worried about money…even though I never seemed to have enough. So, honestly, I should have really wanted to win the lottery…right??

Nope. Not really. I had goals. I loved the challenge. I made $18,000 my first year living in Los Angeles. $18,000. I lived with 4 girls, shared a bedroom, walked to work, used TONS of coupons for food…I made it work.

I would always make it work. I never worried because I knew with hard work and determination….anything can be accomplished.

Until infertility.

And my whole world changed. My life has changed. I have changed. And I will forever be changed because of this disease.

You see because, to me, every woman who is able to give birth to her child has won the lottery in my mind.

Yes, if you are a Mom, YOU have won the lottery!

Sure, it’s not millions of dollars….but guess what folks, millions of dollars cannot buy what you have.

Have you ever thought of that?

Because, no matter how much money I save or spend, no matter how many treatments I go through, no matter how much research I do, no matter what Dr/RE/Scientist I meet with, no matter how many times I actually WIN the lottery…even if I won millions of dollars, if it’s not in God’s plan for me to have a child. I won’t.

In my heart, I don’t believe that, but it just got me thinking.

So many people say if they had more money things would be different, life would be better.

Sure, for some people, some things might be different, but would your LIFE be better?

If you had a choice to win $10,000,000 or be able to get pregnant and deliver a healthy baby, which would you choose?

Think about it……

Did you choose?

Because, I don’t even get a choice.

Think about that, if you HAD to choose…what would it be?

Sure some would say 10 million dollars and , “just adopt”, get a surrogate, use donor eggs, etc.

But for those of you that are able to get pregnant and actually have your own biological child, would you trade your child for $10,000,000?

Seriously, would you?

Now, take away $10,000,000 and replace it with $80,000 of debt trying to have a baby and still not being able to have a child.

That’s my life. No choice. Thousands of dollars in debt, no baby, no lottery win for me.

I don’t think most people get that. They don’t understand how lucky they are to be able to have a child.

Either way….if you have a child, you have won the lottery, my friend.

Those of us battling infertility…..heartbreaking, soul-consuming infertility.

We don’t get that.

So, the next time you complain about being pregnant or complain about your child, or complain about anything really….just stop……

And remember, you’ve won the lottery. Life is good.

0 comment on You’ve Won The Lottery!

  1. Wow. This is the second blog post I’ve seen today regarding money and infertility and it just hits home for me. I feel so stuck right now. Do we keep pursuing IVF, seeking an end result that may never be? Do we adopt and likely drain our savings, beg our family for money and go into debt? Or do we accept the fate the universe has given us and live childless and spend our money on us? Most days, they ALL seem like terrible options!

    • Thanks S…I didn’t mean to make this a discouraging post. I just wanted some people to “wake up” and realize what they have…and what others would do anything for. All of the options do stink…it stinks that we even have to consider all of these options when trying to “simply” have a child of our own. BUT….here’s the positive Patty in me coming out…at least we do have options…and the possibility to have a child through IVF or adopt, etc. Some days are easier than others but just know that you are not alone in this…best of luck on your journey to your baby! xo

  2. What we value, cherish, take for granted is so relative. When I was pregnant, I tried so hard not to complain because I had BATTLED to get there and was so overwhelmingly grateful for my position in the cat-bird seat, but I was so miserable and throwing up every day well into month 5. Similarly, my BFF has 2 girls whom she conceived way too young with the wrong guy and is on the brink of homelessness because of financial woes. And yet, I agree that ppl need to take a minute to recognize that they don’t always know their audience as well as they might think, and one woman’s axe to grind is another woman’s desperate longing. The lottery indeed!

    • Thanks A….isn’t that the truth….”one woman’s axe to grind is another woman’s desperate longing.” I’ve got to believe that something “good” must come out of this…and the only “good” I’m referring to is a healthy child for us both….you hear that “Universe”/God/Etc….xoxo

  3. First of all- if I won the lottery I would divide all the money up between all my Infertility blog friends including you. My husband already knows this is the plan and laughs every time I remind him because I am so serious about possibly winning. Secondly– you are SO right. We are 80k and climbing in debt and I would gladly be millions more to have my son. I don’t ever forget that for a second. When I was puking from morning sickness I told everyone I feel ‘good bad’ meaning I am so glad I get to feel bad. I just want you to know I totally understand this and hate what you enduring. Hugs.

    • Oh how I love you for that…and I would do the same as well! I seriously thought of starting some sort of non-profit for women who cannot afford all of these ridiculous treatments. It sucks but I’ll keep going into debt for a chance to have my child. Nothing else matters really…hugs to you!! xoxo

  4. I’ve always been very much like you.. money never mattered at all and we always figured it out. It’s the moments, the memories, the life events that matter most. Another thing we have in common, I guess. But you’re right- the lottery wouldn’t buy happiness. Yes, it’ll buy a lot of treatments in the infertility world, but I think there are no guarantees. I remember when Mark Zuckerberg came out that his wife had lost 3 pregnancies. I remember thinking, here’s a guy with billions.. with means beyond most people in the ENTIRE world and they lost three pregnancies. They have the money, but still had the heartbreak. I remember feeling a bit of an equal to him (which sounds absolutely crazy) but the fact that he couldn’t ‘fix’ it either. I completely agree with the complaints and appreciating what you have. Anyone that asks me how I’m doing, my response is always, “I’m thankful and feel great.” Everyone looks at me like I’m crazy and I should complain, but I absolutely refuse to do that. Sending you love.. as always, another beautiful post straight from the heart. I swear you could write a book someday. <3

    • You get it Sondra…that’s so true with Mark too…he has ALL the money in the world and you’re right…they couldn’t do anything about their miscarriages either. I know you are a very grateful pregnant woman…and I wish everyone could be that way. But maybe it’s our job(as the ones who have gone through hell) to teach others to be more grateful? Who knows, but I just know that I am so thrilled for you..cannot wait to see you holding your little miracle baby….love u! xoxo

  5. We are blessed to have our son, and after trying icsi again and failing I get your point more now than ever. We are $100k in school debt and $11k in baby debt. There is no way we can afford to try again and I have no babies on ice. I did win the lottery and thank you for pointing it out. Sometimes we forget.

    • Thank you for this girly. I know it’s hard sometimes, but we all can probably learn a lot from stepping back from our own situations to see what others are battling. Myself included. I realized that maybe even by writing this post, I wasn’t grateful for the wonderful life I have beyond infertility…so it’s all so very relative…xoxo

  6. Money will never buy happiness. If anything, money will only ever cause problems, not happiness.
    I learned this lesson for the first time when my mom and sister died and then again while we were living through RPL and no that we are literally going broke in an effort to adopt. Honestly money is bullshit, it simply doesn’t fix life. Sure a trip around the world can distract you for a few days, but when you get back home, like is the same as it always was with the heartache still there.
    And, you know what? I wish people understood this. I remember as a teenager a friend said to me that they wish they had the money my family had (we weren’t overly wealthy, but my parents worked hard and were able to provide us with a decent life), I looked at her and said I wish I had 2 living parents and a living sister. (Maybe not my finest moment in life, but as a 15 year old who just lost her mom and sister it was all I could think to say). Money simply does not and cannot complete your life. And, back to the point of your post about those who have children, you’re right, I wish more people would truly appreciate what they have. I wish that they could truly understand our suffering and our pain and realize that while their life might not be perfect, they do have some pretty amazing things going for them.
    (sorry, I ranted on your blog). 🙂

    • MPB…you are so funny…you can rant on my blog whenever you want..seriously…LOVE your comments. I agree with you so much and can only imagine how sad it is to have lost your mother and your sister…talk about reality check. You have been through the ringer and money cannot buy happiness at all. Something wonderful is on the way for you…I know it stinks to wait…I get it and am right there with you…but some how…things will fall into place. You are such a fighter that I know I’ll see the day when you are holding your child in your arms…I KNOW it WILL happen…and I can’t wait to see that day! Love to you! xoxo

  7. Thank you for this post. It is an eye opener for me because lately I have been so focused on my future with infertility that I haven’t been living in the present. I have won the lottery and I won it the moment I adopted my son and the moment I gave birth (for the first time) to my second son. I would never trade either my adopted son or biological son for any amount of money.

    • Thanks Kelsey. I appreciate your honesty. Sometimes it takes stepping outside of our lives and “problems” and reading about others that make us understand that, life is not so bad. You have been blessed with two beautiful sons…how amazing. I know your road hasn’t been easy but others are longing for what you have…right now. Thank you again for your comment…appreciate your support! xoxo

  8. This is such a great post. Recently someone told me that I shouldn’t be bothered or stressed about spending tens of thousands of dollars on fertility treatments, because having a child is a life dream and if it doesn’t work out then I shouldn’t be upset about loosing the money because it was still well spent since it was something I really want. Honestly how do you even respond to that. She had three children with no issues, but I shouldn’t be upset about spending (and loosing) so much money. Money doesn’t buy everything. There is no amount of money that can fix certain things, and watching it burn before your eyes, thousand after thousand, year after year is excruciating.
    I am so sorry and you are in my prayers!

    • Thank you…and that is a very weird comment that someone made to you…what? Money certainly doesn’t buy everything(as we both understand) Some good MUST come out of this…some way, some how…you are in my prayers too! xoxo

  9. I’m totally with you on this one! I’d gladly give all the money I ever have made, will make, or might possibly make to have the dream of holding my baby a reality. I’m so glad you posted this. Unfortunately money and infertility will always go hand in hand so long as treatment remains so expensive and out of reach for so many people. Hugs to you 🙂

    • Yes Ang! Thank you for your support! Appreciate you sending your email…I might take you up on that when I’m having a bad day…today, I’m ok…tomorrow, who knows….love to you and thinking of you too!! xoxo

  10. Infertility can make you feel very alone. I appreciate your honesty and I can completely relate to everything in this post. After 3 years of trying to conceive, I finally became pregnant from an IVF cycle, only to miscarry at 8 weeks. I feel like I was so close to achieving my dream and it was literally ripped away from me. Just know that you are definitely not alone in this battle!

    • Yes it does Jennifer…it’s so sad that even when we do become pregnant we have to then fear to miscarry. I am so sorry about your last pregnancy. Appreciate your support and best wishes sent your way…xoxo

  11. So true! People don’t know what they have! I have no idea where to even find that kind of money! $80000 WOW! I am screwed lol! Anyways I also stated a blog if you’d like to check it out and follow it. It is nomommy.net hope we can relate! Thanks for writing!

    • Thanks a bunch for your support…yep..lots of money but it’s the only dream I’ve ever had so I’m willing to forego owning a home, or buying a new car…I have sacrificed for this child and I will keep going until I hold them in my arms! Thanks again!

  12. This the the worst – I’m there right with you though. We’ve just borrowed to help cover what will be our last round. So much debt – It’s so hard. Also, having the decide between a family and what you can afford – what kind of choice is that? Putting a price tag on something that most people can’t is heartbreaking. Happy thoughts your way, hey. x

    • Thanks Sae…it’s all just so hard…but what else can you do? Money is only money and I’m willing to sacrifice for the one dream that I’ve ever had..to be a Mom…best of luck to you! Thanks for your support! xoxo

  13. Wow. This is exactly what I’ve been searching for. The hardest part of this process is that I have no choice. Other women walk around with the one thing I want but can never have to, no matter how hard I try. It is devastating. Other women say that they are planning for their second child at just the right amount of time away from the first…and part of me laughs because it’s hilarious that someone would actually be able to say “this is the right time” and magically have that happen. I guess because I don’t have that luxury. And I’m finally glad to find a blog from someone who is still going through what I am…although I wish so much that you weren’t going through it. Thank you for writing the words I couldn’t say. I don’t have anyone to talk to about this who really gets it…so it’s nice to hear someone else who does.

  14. Thank you so much for your blog. I’m sitting here on day 12 of IVF feeling alone and desperate. Our stories are very different but we have the same desperate need to be a mommy.

    I am technically not infertile. I was able to conceive my son with iui. I had a perfect pregnancy until week 32. I had severe eclampsia and had a placental abruption. My son died inside of me. My body killed him. I almost died. I shouldn’t be here and all the doctors are shocked that I am. My son had to die so I could live. I am no longer capable of carrying a baby. I have had to go the surrogacy route. We did a transfer in August and we got pregnant! I couldn’t believe it but then she had a miscarriage. The ups and downs are excruciating. I don’t have the best quality eggs so I didn’t have any to freeze from the last round. So, here I am again, feeling sick and exhausted until I saw your blog. Thank you for being so honest. i don’t feel so alone anymore. I am also in that less than 1%. It’s a very tough place to be. Good luck with your journey and please know you have made a difference. I will be thinking of you and your husband.

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