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So I left you all last week with some pretty good news….9 eggs retrieved and 6 eggs fertilized. I was so happy with that number. Of course, the one issue that I always have is chronically thin lining…and it was still thin. I feel like no matter what I do…it just won’t grow and it is beyond frustrating.

But I decided to focus on the good. I mean 6 fertilized eggs….so happy πŸ™‚

And then all changed in an instant.

They were gone.

By day 3, all 6….gone.

As my RE told me…I just sat numb.

And then of course tears(strength crumbled)

Here, I had been crying all along for my thin lining….and now…more tears for no embryos.

For a 3rd time. All of this work. All of this planning. All of this money. All of this time. All of this pain. All of this emotion. All of this hope.

All gone.

I’m still in shock.

And to be completely honest I am beyond devastated.

I’ve tried and tried and tried to be so strong on this journey…but I just can’t right now.

So that’s all friends. I needed to update you all. You have been there for me through all of this nightmare and I appreciate each and every one of you. I just need a break from all of this. I need to breathe and I need to heal.

Thank you again for your support and congrats to you all who have gotta positive news. I am truly happy for you. Honestly, to me it just means that there’s more happiness out there and my time will come…I know this. I know one day I will be a part of it…but for now, I’m not and I just need to breathe.

Thank you for understanding and I’ll be thinking of each and every one of you.

0 comment on IVF #3-Results

    • I am so sorry, but please stay hopeful. I did 5 egg retrievals / over about a year and a half time period.. to get only one single embryo. Concentrate on the positive and don’t lose hope. I had to take a few months off- a break.. It’s the hardest thing a woman can go through. I’m 43 years old and am now 30 weeks pregnant with that one embryo. keep your head up.. Take some time to take care of you.. And don’t lose hope.

  1. I am so sorry to be reading this. I can’t even begin to imagine how difficult this is for you. I’m thinking of you and wishing you nothing but the best

  2. I am so sorry, girl. It sucks to be hit by bad news repeatedly. You are one of the strongest people I have encountered. It’s an indication of strength to know when to let yourself feel the grief and loss in this journey. I am holding you in my thoughts as you work through your feelings. <3

  3. I’m so very sorry for what you have been through. It is truly a heartbreaking loss. Take extra good care of yourself and know we are sending you lots of positive thoughts.

  4. Words can’t express how sorry I am. You have been and continue to be a great role model. Your strength and determination have helped to encourage so many of us along the way. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

  5. I’m sitting here at my desk reading your post and I just said, “Oh NO!” aloud after the first few sentences. I am crushed for you and can’t believe this bad news. It’s surreal and, as you must feel, I did NOT expect this at all. Whenever you’re ready for us to lend support, we are here… and will continue to be here. As long as it takes.

  6. Oh love, I am really sad to hear this today. I feel for you so much and am sending you love and strength to get through this difficult time. I am here for you, I support you and take time to heal. xx

  7. Even though I’ve already told you on Twitter, I just want to say again, you have my thoughts, my prayers, my love and my support. xoxo

  8. Oh sugars! I am just so sorry! My heart is aching for you. I too am in shock. But I know that God still has a plan for your life. And those dreams and desires He birthed in your heart? He did so for a reason. He will fulfill them. We may not know how and we may not see a way with our natural eyes that He can do it, but trust that He will. He is limitless. If you want to give me your address, I would love to mail you something. You can send it to 10hopeingod@gmail.com

    Love you lots!! xo

  9. I know there are no words that I can say to make any of this better, but I have been thinking of you all day since first reading your post and my heart is aching for you. I will be praying for your comfort and healing in the coming days and also for strength. Be good to yourself. <3

  10. I’m so sorry to hear this. I just found your blog today and looked at your timeline. This has been a rough go for you. I’m keeping you in my thoughts.

  11. My heart is with you. I hope that God heals your broken heart and gives you the strength you need to take the next step forward – whatever you decide that is. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

  12. Hello, I found your blog while struggling with my own fertility. I am so very sorry you are suffering. At times it feels suffocating, relentless, and unbearable. I too find myself dealing with these same emotions. For some reason I feel the desire to reach out to you, although I am a terrible writer!
    I haven’t found our happy ending either but wanted to tell you to take time to heal the open wounds, regroup, and don’t give up. We can do this!

    To briefly share our journey, my husband has no sperm, after several rounds of IUI, and 2 fresh rounds of IVF it was determined I have no good eggs. After learning we will never have genetic children we pursued embryo donation and that too was unsuccessful. We most recently learned a round with donor vitrified eggs also didn’t work. Along the way my vision of how I would eventually gain my very own family has changed. I mean changed in ways I never thought I could embrace. But somehow we did, and while we continue to grieve loosing the genetic connection we are able to accept and actually be excited for the next adventure on this crazy infertility ride.

    My husband has found the journey particularly difficult. He almost always veto’s the next step….initially. But with love and time he comes around, and so do I. I guess what I am trying to share is that the way this has developed is certainly not the way I dreamed it would. And while the struggle at times seems insurmountable, and the pain simply indescribable, it is possible to accept what is and eventually find some peace in moving forward in a direction you never thought you would. You may or may not be open to this, and that’s ok, but I wanted you to know from one girl in the trenches to another, you can overcome the hurtle in front of you! Be good to yourself.

    Lots of love to you!

  13. I am so so sad to hear this. I am sorry! I admire your strength and attitude towards this! Your time will come and I will be so thrilled when that time is here! You are in my thoughts and prayers. Sending you a big hug!

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