So this morning, I went to get my blood taken before I start my stims for IVF#3 tonight.
I was feeling o.k…not great because my husband just left on a plane for a business trip and he usually gives me my shots….so I’m solo tonight…boo 🙁 But I was o.k. I’ve been feeling extremely strong these past few weeks. Like a warrior going to battle for the 3rd time. I have my eye on the prize and nothing can stop me…nothing.
And then as I was waiting in my RE’s waiting room.
Whom I had never met but I remember seeing. A long time ago…almost 2 years ago. I remember her because the last time I saw her I overheard “Congratulations!” and “You did it!”
She had just received her positive beta…and she was pregnant.
And now, 2 years later……she is back….trying for her 2nd child.
And here I am…….sitting in the same chair. Like I had never left.
Nothing has changed with me.
I still do not have that “light” that I saw in her eyes. The laughter she was having with the nurses about her daughter.
I am STILL sitting in these chairs.
Still hoping, wanting, waiting, praying, begging….for this child that I’ve dreamed of…
Still here…now going through my 3rd full IVF cycle.
And tears…just started falling.
I tried to control it…I really did but I couldn’t help it. So I kept my sunglasses on and went in to get my blood drawn.
My nurses could tell something was wrong. So I told them that I am just tired of all of this. They were so kind. Listening to me. Comforting me and just being there for me. Understanding and reminding me that this is HARD.
I try to be SO strong. I try to make it seem like this is not a big deal.
But it is. It is a huge deal and it is overwhelming.
I’m not going to sugar coat IVF.
Guess what…IVF is not the holy grail. You are not guaranteed to have a baby after you spend $25,000, $50,000, or $100,000.
People need to know that. I feel like so many women feel like…if they go through IVF, they will have a baby and unfortunately, for a lot of women..that’s not the case…
But I don’t want to bring myself or anyone else down…I’m just being real and honest in this moment that I am having right now.
I want to be positive starting this cycle tonight. I really, really do.
So I will leave it at that…positive.
Only positive thoughts from here on out.
Actually, I am “almost pregnant”.
Infertile….no….almost pregnant….yes! (I remember writing about that a couple of months ago…and it always makes me smile when I say that)
So, that’s that…I’m “almost pregnant” and can’t wait until I can shout it from the rooftops when I am definitely pregnant!!
Here’s to being definitely pregnant soon!!!!! Bring on IVF #3!!!