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I had high hopes for this month. I’ve been patient with both of my IVF cycles, all of my cancelled FET’s and cysts that have gotten in the way. A 40mm cyst last month just made me think, “Well, way to end 2014…with a huge cyst that won’t let me try for an FET once again”…..but I was o.k. with that. I accepted it and I knew that 2015 would be better…will be better.

Until today.

Those hopes for 2015 were dashed, once again because that huge, annoying cyst is still there…same size and now filled with blood.

My hope for 2015, for Jan, for something good to happen are once again put on hold.

That is why I give up.

Apparently, hoping for something good to happen to me only makes me feel worse when it doesn’t.

Hope.

I watched Jim Carey give an amazing speech a couple of months ago. http://omeleto.com/199433/

He talked about “hope”. He said “Hope is a beggar. Hope walks through the fire and faith leaps over it.”

That stuck with me. Why am I putting my effort into “hope” when all I need to do is have “faith” that it will happen?

So, that’s why I am giving up on hope….and relying on FAITH.

I have faith that I will be a mother. I have faith that it will happen. And I have the courage that fear will not run my life this year.

So starting off 2015 will not break me. I have faith that good things are ahead.

Faith is my guiding light in 2015.