25205-i-am-sure-that-god-keeps-no-one-waiting-unless-he-sees-that

So last week CD 1 showed and that means on CD 3, I make the visit to my RE’s office. I’ve been doing this for almost 2ย years now..same RE’s office…same deal. For this entire year…the only thing I’ve wanted to do was grow a lining past 5.5mm….and it just hasn’t happened. I’ve tried to fix it by having a 2nd hysteroscopy surgery in April and taking new medicine, shots, pills, protocols, etc…. But here we go again…

I’m called from the waiting room.

So into the ultrasound room we go and………. another damn cyst. 40mm. And to top that off it has a blood clot in it. What? My RE doesn’t seem to be phased except for the fact that he says, “Well, you always have something, huh? You’ll have to wait it out another cycle or two. Oh, and if for some reason you have to go into the hospital make sure they don’t remove your ovary or you could die.” Thanks doc…wow.

So….no go on this FET cycle….cancelled due to this monster cyst.

I feel so……nothing.

It’s like, I’m a robot when I go into my RE’s office now. It’s never good news when I go there. There’s always something that hinders me to start an FET or go through with an FET…so no emotions…at all.

Until I walk out of the ultrasound room…..and I see her. Talking to the receptionist. My friend in the waiting room who I hadn’t seen in a while…a long while.

We had talked a couple of times, waiting for appts and exchanged emails. We thought it would be wonderful if we could be pregnant together…that was last Feb or March….

And she just gave birth. To a precious baby boy.

I saw her and I immediately just felt the need to hug her….and tears starting streaming down my face. Not tears of jealousy but tears of joy…her dream has come true….she now has a baby.

Her number was called from the waiting room….in more ways than one.

I hugged her and hugged her again. She said she’s been praying for me and I truly appreciate that. I believe in the energy people give one another…the prayers, for me, help. For someone…a total stranger at first….to have a bond through infertility…..it’s just special. And I am so happy for her ๐Ÿ˜‰

I felt bad because I saw a couple of other girls in the waiting room looking at us…so I quickly went back in the office room and said my goodbye to her…she never has to be in this waiting room again….and that might be the one thing I’m jealous of.

This waiting room.

It’s such a fitting name the more I think about it…especially for an RE’s office.

You wait for your turn. When it’s your turn, you go into the ultrasound room to see if it’s your time, you wait for your procedures, you wait in the two week wait, you wait to see 2 lines, you wait for your blood test, you wait for a heartbeat, you wait to graduate from your RE’s office, you wait for the 2nd trimester, you wait until a healthy baby is born….and in your arms….and then your wait is over.

At least that’s what I’m going to do. I will keep waiting….for my time. I know my time will come.

And I will wait.

I must believe that there is a reason for my wait. He has the perfect timing. And I will believe.

I will wait and I will have faith that I will be called from the waiting room…..one day soon.

 

23 Comments on The Waiting Room

  1. I’m so sorry you didn’t get the news you wanted – the good news you deserve. I’m tired of the waiting room, too. I hope neither one of us has to wait too much longer.

    • Thanks so much Wifey! Yes..both tired of the waiting room ๐Ÿ™ Glad your uterus isn’t a “muddled mess” any longer ๐Ÿ™‚ Any good news is great now a days! Hope we are both on our way soon!!! xoxo

  2. I am so sorry that your FET was cancelled. I hate when people make comments like your doctor did. Could they be a little more tactful??
    How sweet you are to be so supportive of your friend! The waiting room is definitely named correctly! I will be thrilled for you when you are “called” from the waiting room for good! Wishing you a very Merry Christmas!!!

    • Thanks so much Jennifer. Honestly, whenever I start to lose a little hope…I think of you….and I keep going…keeping my hope and faith alive that I WILL have a baby soon. You have been through it all and now, you are going to have your little boy in a couple of months….just amazing. So thank you for sharing your story and answering all of my questions…means a lot. Merry Christmas to you too! 2015 is going to be fabulous!!! xoxo

  3. I’m so so sorry about this cycle ๐Ÿ™ I had 3 canceled in a row and I know how badly it hurts..but sending you lots of positive vibes and hoping 2015 will bring good things for you !!!

  4. I hate cysts. And I hate the cyst for you. So sorry about the canceled cycle and more waiting. ๐Ÿ™ I am hoping for a great lining for you in 2015 and a successful transfer. <3

  5. I just want to hug you tight. Such a beautiful, heart wrenching and “oh so true” post. I’m so SO sorry for yet another delay. I absolutely hate that for you. I hope and pray for you all the time. I hope that this holiday season you can try and ENJOY, regardless of yet another season of waiting. Sending you so much love, my friend. I know your time will come…xoxo

  6. I stumbled upon your blog on my nightly hour long train commute home. I’m getting ready for my first ivf after 4 failed iui’s. I have spent many nights ferociously scrolling through charts and percentages and stories of journies through the maze. I usually would end up feeling even more anxious, even more fear and more alone. However tonight your story helped me to feel connected to a sisterhood of those struggling with infertility (blah I hate that word). Thank you so much. I will continue to stay connected to your story and will send much positivity and faith your way. Blessed be.

    • Thanks so much Sister Liz…I appreciate your kind comments and I’m so glad I could help. What we are going through is tough…really tough..but we can get through it…together. Please keep me updated on your IVF cycle(good luck!!!) and if you have any questions, feel free to ask ๐Ÿ™‚ xoxo

  7. Hi! I’ve been slowly catching up on your blog. I started at post one (which I believe I’ve traveled with you a couple of years now) and now I’m here. I’m so thankful for you as you are able to clearly articulate everything I’m feeling as I travel through my infertility journey right now. This post screams to me as my life is caught in a cycle of hurry up and waits! Wait for your follicles. Wait for the lining. Wait for the procedure. Wait for the blood pregnancy test (do NOT take a home pregnancy test while waiting…..break down and take a home pregnancy test. Cry and then resume waiting for the blood pregnancy test with the few ounces of faith and hours of prayer you can gather up). I’ll continue reading your story now, I just wanted to reach out and thank you. XOXO

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *