So…I’ve been feeling really good about this cycle. I’ve just felt different. Like a warmth in my uterus and I’ve been doing everything I can to help this lining along. Acupuncture. Baby aspirin. Pomegranate juice. Walking. Praying. And I even drank 2-3 cups a day of that yuck “Raspberry Leaf Tea” that they tell you to drink…BTW…it tastes NOTHING like Raspberries…liars.

 

Anyways here are the results:

 

Uterine Lining: 3.7mm

Que…..no tears. That’s right…because I put on a FABULOUS face at my RE’s office. I refuse to cry in front of him anymore after doing it ONCE and being looked at like I needed to be in a psych ward. So I smiled….said…ok…see ya in a couple of days. My follicles(I have 2 growing on my only ovary) that are about 11-12mm each. So still room to grow…which means my lining could grow some more by Tues (that’s my next appt). But….same old…same old.

So I was walking to my car…still feeling o.k. about it all…..and then…….

my heel broke….

And just like that…a tear streamed down my face. And the water works began. Now, I know I wasn’t really crying about my dumb heel…but it’s broken and it made me feel like I am just broken. Something real that just happened mimicked exactly what was happening with my body…broken.

So then, what did I do? My immediate reaction to my heel breaking was…”Well, now I’ve got to go and get it fixed”….not, throw it away and forget about it…but “get it fixed”…..and that’s what I have to do with my uterus. I HAVE to find a way to FIX it.

I just have to….I have to….

So, if this drug, Tamoxifen doesn’t work for me….I move on to the next thing on my list for Project Dream 2015

And I think that will be the G-CSF. Now, due to Christmas, that probably won’t happen until Jan. 2015.

I can’t think too much about it all right now. One day at a time.

So, that’s that. I wish I had better news. I was visualizing a nice 8mm lining..maybe Tues.?? A girl can dream…

I know one thing…I can give up on medicines, and ideas and research and tests….but I cannot and will not give up on my dream to be a mother….

“One way or another…….I WILL become a mother.”~ xo, Dreaming Of Diapers

And that’s my motto for the rest of this journey…it WILL happen…I WILL be a mother one day…period.

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And that makes my tears stop…puts a smile on my face…and keeps me going……keep going guys & girls….just keep going…..one day your dream will come true…you just have to believe…and never give up….love & blessings to you all…..xoxo

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21 Comments on FET #5-Lining Update #2

  1. I’m sorry. I hate having a “broken” uterus. But, you have a great attitude. One I’m trying hard to have myself. Never give up – NEVER. Praying for you and all the rest of us on this wild ride.

  2. I’m sorry your lining wasn’t where you wanted it to be but based on the size of your follicles there is room to grow like you said 🙂 I’m on the flip side of this, lining is 8 but need the follicles to get bigger in time..ugh! I needed that “don’t give up” speech today for sure, thank you!! Thinking of you moving forward in your journey 🙂

  3. The night after finding out one of my cycles was cancelled, I fell and bashed my toe and knee. I am not one to cry when I get physically injured, but I fucking LOST IT. Everything I had been holding in that day, and probably for a few weeks, all came flooding out in epic fashion.

  4. I’m so sorry that you have to go through all of this, but you will be a mother and I admire your determination in that! Your baby will be so lucky to have you as his/her mom!

    • Thanks Jennifer….I know you get it….you get it ALL. I am determined to be a Mom…and some way….some how…I KNOW it will happen. Thank you for the kind words….your baby boy is going to be sooo lucky to have you as his Momma…you never gave up on him…and he’s on his way…thanks for the inspiration..xoxo

  5. Your courage and perseverance makes me cry tears of joy. Love & hugs! xoxo

    You WILL be a mother. It’s just the truth. Your will and strength DEFINES what makes a good mom. I can’t wait to hear about the day when this dream comes to life…

  6. Ah, blog friend, I’m sorry to read this. I was hoping you’d report different news. However, you’re right, this means your lining is thin not that you won’t be a mother. Here hoping that Tuesday brings better news.

    • Thanks Elizabeth……yes…my lining is thin but I WILL be a mother one day….just challenges that I will get through…we all have challenges and I will continue to battle mine until I have my child in my arms…appreciate your kind words..xoxo

  7. I have no idea how I missed this update.. but I stopped by to check on you because I hadn’t heard anything. I wish that the news was better. You have another appointment today? Good luck! I’m hoping it’s much thicker and I’ll be checking in on you. You’re right, one way or another this will happen for you. It WILL happen.. I believe that too!

  8. No idea how I’m just seeing this post, but I’m so sorry for how your lining is starting out. It truly sucks feeling like you’re giving it your everything and nothing seems to work. I hope that magically number 8 decided to make an appearance today…I’ll be checking back for an update. But you’re strength and courage through this is amazing. It’s why I know without a doubt that you WILL be a mom. Keep on believing, my friend. xoxoxo

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