Month: November 2014

FET #5-Lining Update #3

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Sorry I didn’t update yesterday but my appt was late in the day and then I had a dinner meeting after….so I’ll just make this a quick one.

I pretty much gave up on this cycle…I mean, my lining was 3.7mm on CD 13(ish) and yesterday, CD 16 it was……..5.1mm (with 2 21mm follicles on my only ovary ready to ovulate…oh how I wish I had tubes again 🙁

Now, most people would be SO upset for a 5.1mm lining on CD16 BUT….I’m feeling a little better that it’s at least not 4mm…and it did look a tad more “fluffy” on the ultrasound….and DARE I say that my RE seemed a bit more optimistic??! He actually said that if we could get it up to closer to 6mm then we could try to transfer one embryo….OMG…seriously..I might be able to actually have a transfer at some point!?

Now, I KNOW 5-6mm lining is NOT good….and frankly, most people would never transfer an embryo with that thin of a lining….but, the one thing I’ve learned through ALL of this is that….

We are all different.

There is not ONE set formula for us all.

You have to listen to your gut and take chances sometimes.

So, where do we go from here?

Well, this FET #5 cycle is cancelled. I’m not willing to transfer in a 5.1mm lining(neither is RE) and because of Thanksgiving we wouldn’t have been able to anyways. I will go in next Mon to get my blood drawn to check my Progesterone level(just as an ovulation marker) and I will wait for CD1 to figure out if we are going to do anything in Dec or just wait until Jan. My RE suggested since it seemed like the Tamoxifen was doing something that maybe another month of that plus Estrogen or some injectables? Trial and error I guess….

I still feel the need to try G-CSF…my RE has never done it before though and he doesn’t seem on board…might have to give him a little push…so we will see.

Wish I had better news but I’m o.k. I really just feel like these are just steps to me getting to where I want to be….pregnant and delivering a healthy baby in 2015. Like a process. I just keep thinking that at the end of ALL of this, I WILL have a beautiful baby(or babies) in my arms and none of this will matter.

I must remember……….NONE OF THIS WILL MATTER.

I just have to keep telling myself that….and then….everything is alright.

Happy Thanksgiving to my fellow American bloggers!

Love & blessings to you all!

 

FET #5-Lining Update #2

So…I’ve been feeling really good about this cycle. I’ve just felt different. Like a warmth in my uterus and I’ve been doing everything I can to help this lining along. Acupuncture. Baby aspirin. Pomegranate juice. Walking. Praying. And I even drank 2-3 cups a day of that yuck “Raspberry Leaf Tea” that they tell you to drink…BTW…it tastes NOTHING like Raspberries…liars.

 

Anyways here are the results:

 

Uterine Lining: 3.7mm

Que…..no tears. That’s right…because I put on a FABULOUS face at my RE’s office. I refuse to cry in front of him anymore after doing it ONCE and being looked at like I needed to be in a psych ward. So I smiled….said…ok…see ya in a couple of days. My follicles(I have 2 growing on my only ovary) that are about 11-12mm each. So still room to grow…which means my lining could grow some more by Tues (that’s my next appt). But….same old…same old.

So I was walking to my car…still feeling o.k. about it all…..and then…….

my heel broke….

And just like that…a tear streamed down my face. And the water works began. Now, I know I wasn’t really crying about my dumb heel…but it’s broken and it made me feel like I am just broken. Something real that just happened mimicked exactly what was happening with my body…broken.

So then, what did I do? My immediate reaction to my heel breaking was…”Well, now I’ve got to go and get it fixed”….not, throw it away and forget about it…but “get it fixed”…..and that’s what I have to do with my uterus. I HAVE to find a way to FIX it.

I just have to….I have to….

So, if this drug, Tamoxifen doesn’t work for me….I move on to the next thing on my list for Project Dream 2015

And I think that will be the G-CSF. Now, due to Christmas, that probably won’t happen until Jan. 2015.

I can’t think too much about it all right now. One day at a time.

So, that’s that. I wish I had better news. I was visualizing a nice 8mm lining..maybe Tues.?? A girl can dream…

I know one thing…I can give up on medicines, and ideas and research and tests….but I cannot and will not give up on my dream to be a mother….

“One way or another…….I WILL become a mother.”~ xo, Dreaming Of Diapers

And that’s my motto for the rest of this journey…it WILL happen…I WILL be a mother one day…period.

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And that makes my tears stop…puts a smile on my face…and keeps me going……keep going guys & girls….just keep going…..one day your dream will come true…you just have to believe…and never give up….love & blessings to you all…..xoxo

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