And that’s that…FET#4…cancelled….

My lining actually shrunk and was worse than the ultrasound this past Tues…today, it was about 4mm again…

Welcome to my horrible, pain in the a**(literally because of those darn Estradiol Valerate shots), stubborn lining πŸ™

So I just took some progesterone and should be expecting my period in the next two weeks…oh joy, more waiting…

I’m still not giving up.

Month after month my lining doesn’t seem to want to cooperate. My RE looks at me like, “I told you, you need a Gestational Carrier.” And I tell him….ok…this is what we are trying next….(and I can see him thinking..”Well, that probably won’t work either hun”…..too bad, we are trying EVERYTHING!

I’m just not giving up.

I’m not allowing these defeats to take over my soul. I cry….yes I do…I wish I knew what I could do for this lining to plump up…I’m doing everything I can…and will keep doing it.

I’m not broken…and I won’t allow myself to feel broken.

Next month we are trying Tamoxifen. It helped increase the lining in some patients that were unresponsive to estrogen. Like me. I guess we will just have to try it and see….

That’s all we can do right? All of us have issues. Some have the same infertility issues and some of us have different issues and all we can do is keep trying.

If we give up, we will lose 100% of the time…but if there’s a chance….as small is it may be…we’ve got to try…

I hope that I can one day look back on this post and thank myself for not giving up or giving in….it will be worth it in the end….I can just feel it…



0 comment on Cancelled….again…

  1. I just loved it when you said….”If we give up, we will lose 100% of the time…but if there’s a chance….as small is it may be…we’ve got to try…” Your perseverance to never give up is very inspiring! Don’t give up on YOUR dream because only you know YOU and what is best for YOU…not the doctors πŸ™‚

    I am praying for your healing and that God will restore your lining to exactly how He created it. For nothing is impossible or to hard for the Lord. (Luke 1:37 and Genesis 18:45)

    If God say “Let there be light” and there is light…then He can say “Let there be a thick lining” and there will be one πŸ™‚ Praying for ya sugars! xo

    • Thanks so much Elisha πŸ™‚ It is my dream to carry my own baby. I know God is leading me in all of these directions because I truly believe that one of these options(to grow my lining) will work. He has given me this problem for me to “figure out” and help others with thin lining issues to have another option then straight to Gestational Carrier(for those who cannot even afford that option!) I’m determined and with support from fellow bloggers like you, I feel very powerful in continuing this journey…thank you again and prayers are always sent for you and your Josiah…he is on his way….xoxo

      • Oh sugars I don’t believe he gave you this “problem.” The bible says He can only give good and perfect gifts. but I do believe he is using what the devil is meaning for your harm to help others and give the devil one serious throat punch for all the havoc he has caused you and so many of his children πŸ™‚ tehehe!! Drop kick the devil sweetie and press on! He is terrified of you right now πŸ˜‰

  2. Good luck I know how you feel I struggled with thin lining. In my last attempted I did it natural and got a lining of 8mm and fell pregnant. Can you try without medication to see what happens? All the best

    • Thank you. I tried growing my lining naturally 2 cycles…one cycle was 2.8mm and the other was 4.0mm….so not good πŸ™ My best cycle has been this last cycle where it got up to 5.7mm but only on one side πŸ™ I’m gonna keep on trying…something’s gotta work! xoxo

  3. The Little Engine That Could πŸ™‚ I’m so sorry that your transfer got cancelled though. I can’t even imagine how you must be feeling after going through all the shots and working so hard to get your lining thickened up. I hope the Tamoxifen is your ticket!!! Big hugs and prayers going out to you.

  4. I’m so sorry about your cancellation. <3 I'm glad you're not giving up. I've taken Tamoxifen for 3 years – and will be on it again later (for cancer treatment). If you have questions, I'd be happy to talk to you about it. Hugs!

    • Thanks julieann081! I remember you saying you had to take Tamoxifen for your cancer treatments…wow…what you have been through πŸ™ I’m only taking it for about 5 days..CD3-CD7…it’s supposed to jump start my endometrium and add some elements to my lining that it might be missing…added glandular expression in the endometrium….I swear I feel like a scientist with all I have read….gotta try everything…appreciate your support and I’ll def send ya a message if I have any additional questions…thank you soooo much!! Hugs back at ya! xo

  5. So hard and disappointing! So hard to keep faith when we get let down, but you are a trooper! You have an amazing attitude. Praying you body does what it should!!! Hang in there and keep doing what you are doing!!! Xo

    • Thanks Katie! It is tough to keep the faith…but, for me, there’s no other way. I truly feel that one day, I will be pregnant….just when is that time? I have no clue…so I have to keep going and keep trying πŸ™‚ Thinking about you too…hoping for some positive news πŸ˜‰ xoxo

    • Thanks a bunch rainbowsupabove! Gotta stay strong when you have a dream! They say no….and I say…wait…let’s try one more thing πŸ™‚ Can’t help being optimistic! Thanks for the positive comment! πŸ™‚ xo

    • Thanks so much Isabelle. This lining is VERY stubborn…but hey, I’ll keep on going because that’s all I can do. For me, in my mind, I don’t have any other options. I will be pregnant one day and I just have to keep going until I am πŸ™‚ Thanks for the good luck wishes…best of luck to you too!! xo

    • Thanks sista….it’s a WHOLE bunch of crap for you too. I’ve been thinking about you and sending you prayers. This just sucks…all of it. I mean, I know we are all extremely strong women…but COME ON! Enough is enough. But we are NOT going down without a FIGHT. And we will fight. I’m there for you and if you need any additional support, feel free to send me an email at:
      Lots of love sent your way! xo

  6. I’m getting ready to embark on my first IVF cycle. Today was my trial transfer and now I will start monitoring for my surge. Next steps will be to get my calendar and start the birth control. I too have hydrosalpinx except it’s in both of my tubes. I am going to go as far as the retrieval and then I’m having both tubes removed. Once I heal from that we will move forward with the transfer….crossing my fingers that everything will go according to plan. I just wanted to thank you for this blog. I read all of your posts from last August to current. You’re very inspiring and I am grateful to feel a connection with all of you. I will be thinking of you as I go through my journey and praying that our miracles happen one day when they’re supposed to. Xoxo

  7. I know this is a silly question considering you are getting to be a pro with uterine lining, but how are you taking your Estrace (if that’s what you are on)? I got told to start taking it vaginally rather than orally because my lining wasn’t where the doctor wanted it to be. And he put me on baby aspirin. Not sure if this if relevant to your situation or if it’s already been attempted, but I thought I’d throw it out there.

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