Trying-for-a-baby

How….very……….rude of you….

That’s I how I feel when I get asked that…almost every day.ย Because, clearly, I’m not the one who decides….It seems like people should “get” it…but they don’t.

Why is it something that people feel they need to ask?

Why is it socially acceptable to ask?

Why do people feel like they need to “help” you figure it out????

I remember being single….very single and attending most of my friends weddings….solo.

I was the inspiration for 27 Dresses, I swear. I’ve been a bridesmaid or maid of honor in over 16 weddings…no joke. It’s not fun to go to weddings alone. But I did……and I remember people asking questions like….”When are you getting married?” “You’re such a great catch.” Well, thanks (random person I just met at a wedding) but…I’m not getting married anytime soon…I(clearly) don’t even have a boyfriend…so thanks for making me feel bad about myself for not knowing when I’m getting married (que anxiety attack in bathroom..and more WINE).

Now, that is how I feel about not having a child.

I know one day I will have a child. Just like I knew one day I would find my husband.

So stop asking because I’ve got it covered!

I’ve kept most of this infertility business to myself…and my hubby.ย For me, we are the only ones that need to know. Simple as that…(o.k….and all of you guys too ๐Ÿ˜‰

But everyone….from my landlord to my boss to my mother in law….ALL want to know WHEN I’ll be pregnant…and guess what? It’s none of your business and oh, yah…I HAVE NO CLUE! I now tell them…it’s not up to me….it’s up to God. And end it with that….if they believe in God they say…”Oh, well I’m sure it will happen soon hun…I’ll pray for you” and if they don’t….well that just shuts them up (and hopefully makes them think about it).

But it’s true. It isn’t up to us WHEN we will become pregnant. For some, it’s an “accident”(btw…one of my biggest pet peeves is when people say that about their kids) For others, like us in the infertility world,…it’s a miracle. A beautiful, imperfect, yet perfect miracle.

Some people wish for more money. Some people wish for a bigger home. Some people wish for a better job.

I wish for our miracle. Something most people take for granted every day..being able to get pregnant and have a healthy child…

What a miracle…

But I don’t know when that will be. So I can’t answer that question anymore…and I’m not going to…

WHEN it happens is when everyone will know….and it’s as simple as that….

 

0 comment on When Will I Be Pregnant?…..You Ask??

  1. I hear you and I’ve felt the same kind of frustration . . . though people rarely ask me anymore. Maybe I have “infertile” tattooed across my forehead or something . . . hang in there. Your baby is coming.

    • Thanks Jill….yes, frustrating…I guess because I keep my infertility a secret to most….but ALL of it is NONE if their business……I know my baby is coming…thanks for your words of encouragement!

  2. When not if!! Yes Yes Yes!!!! I have realized I just have to offer people grace when they ask that question because they have NO idea what we are going through!

    • That’s true Caroline….I know that they have NO idea what we are going through and what we’ve been through…I still just find it weird that people ask…often! And yes….WHEN I’m pregnant….EVERYONE will know ๐Ÿ˜‰ xo

  3. I hate this questions so much! I was actually talking with a lady from our church yesterday who struggled with infertility before they adopted (she is almost 60). She said the number 1 thing she remembers as being the most frustrating part of it all was not the fertility treatments but people asking them when they were going to have kids! Just know you aren’t alone in this and that so many of us are praying for your time!

  4. Hi I just found your blog (sorry but I can not remember from whose blog) and feel the very same way. I would rather have a child than more money or a home of our own for sure!

  5. Oh yes! The dreaded question. I use to say when were ready now I just say when god allows it. That really does get them thinking more than you think.

  6. Thank you for blog! I am also having inferility issues and starting my first round of clomid this next week. I had a tubal reversal in March and I feel like every day since then, I get asked if I am pregnant yet. It’s very frustrating!

  7. Oh My Goodness you took the words right from my mouth on this post. I 100% agree with you. Infertility is so hard. My husband and I are going on 8 years. All of those annoying questions, the pity looks, the un-wanted advice etc…

    • Hi Denise….yes…so annoying right?! I don’t tell them about all of my infertility problems because of the “pity” looks, advice, etc….but they STILL feel the need to “help”. If they only knew what we have already done…OMG…thanks for understanding! xo

  8. i absolutely hate these questions!!!!! i have a couple questions for you ladies if you don’t mind. when i started seeing an RE in march (now i know thats not a long time considering what some have endured but its still heart breaking) , he was certain i would be “the easiest patient” I’m 27, i in decent shape, and no obvious signs that anything is physically wrongโ€ฆ.. however when he started the tests he diagnosed me with pcos ๐Ÿ™ started me on clomid and continued to up the dose until we reached 150 mg. he said he didn’t want to continue with clomid due to it thinning the uterine lining. my insurance doesn’t cover the injectables so I’ve been researching other options that i could bring to my next appointment. do you ladies have any suggestions or experience with clomid not working? also, I’ve been searching for any good infertility support sites, can you ladies suggest any?

    • Hi Amber…yes…starting out is tough….but I’m sure things will work out for you soon. After Clomid, some people try a drug called Femara…it doesn’t thin the lining as much and has helped for a couple of my PCOS friends. I understand about injectables being expensive…but sometimes you can ask your RE’s office if they have any “donations” and some people donate their leftover meds…always feel free to ask any questions…I’ve been through it ALL…just read my IVF Journey and I won’t stop until I have my baby in my arms…thanks and best of luck to you! xo

  9. I just found your blog! Love it! We just found out we will be going on the IVf journey here soon. My AMH is .33, so needless to say we are crossing our fingers that there are some viable eggs in there. And we just found out how much it will be….shocking! In shock!! Glad I found you ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Awwww…thanks a bunch Lindsay! Well, just know that you are not alone on this IVF journey! We are all here for you and if you have any questions feel free to ask! The cost…is shocking ๐Ÿ™ Horrible that our healthcare system doesn’t recognize infertility as a disease or necessary….because it IS! I wish you the best of luck friend and please keep in touch! ๐Ÿ™‚

  10. I find myself not wanting to go to family functions anymore as it’s getting more and more painful to keep answering ‘that’ question again and again! I’m so glad I came across this blog, finding others that I can relate to is keeping me hopeful ๐Ÿ™‚

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