Month: July 2014

FET #4: Screw Estrogen

O.k….so after having a short 23 day cycle last month….I began FET#4…

So far I’ve been through 3 other FET’s to try to build my lining to an appropriate thickness to carry a pregnancy….it’s only ever gotten to 4mm……every….single….time….

I’ve used Oral Estradiol Estrace (of doses up to 8mg-10mg a day), Vaginal Estrogen suppositories(3mg a day), Viagra, Trental 400mg, Vitamin E 1000mg, Wobenzyme, acupuncture(for the past 2 yrs), I even went to a Chinese Healer…yes…he was on “Ripley’s Believe It or Not” show as able to heal the “unhealable”…I know…I sound desperate…..

and I am….

I’ve had these 6 blastocysts waiting to be transferred since Jan(and one little morula from my first IVF in Nov)….just sitting there…frozen….waiting for a home…..and I’m really trying to give them one…..

So we are here….

2 weeks ago, I started Estradiol Valerate(Delestrogen) shots. They use the same needle size as Progesterone shots. They look like GIANTS compared to the tiny IVF med shots…here’s a pic:

CIMG2235

 

But once again….no reason to freak myself out….we TRULY are stronger than we think….and they are not that bad…you just have to make sure you ice that area…and it’s really numb…, pinch your skin pretty tight…and don’t put the needle in too fast…steady and when I’m pinching my skin I poke my finger nail into my skin too…so I can’t really feel the needle or meds….just a little advice 🙂

Lining checks: Not good 🙁 There is still fluid in my lining and it’s only about 3.6mm…..boo…hoo…also, my E2 is at: 4108…too high….so I’ll lower my dosage of Estradiol Valerate and only 2 Estrogen suppositories instead of 3 per day.

So, to me, obviously estrogen does not work on me….too much, too little…I get the same poor results….thin lining.

I’ve realized I have to be my own scientist. I read all of the literature. All of the studies. ALL OF THEM.

Now that I know estrogen is not going to cut it for me…next month we are trying a drug called Tamoxifen to grow my lining.

It works a little differently than estrogen…it binds differently to certain estrogen receptors….and has shown promise for women with chronically thin lining.

Who knows if it will work….but I’ve gotta try right? I’m not giving up on myself yet.

Obviously, my RE continues to suggest a Gestational Carrier for me. He feels that, that is the only way I’m going to be able to have my own child. He believes that my endometrium has been severly damaged due to my appendix rupturing, causing chronic infection and inflammtion throughout my body. He says that looking into a gestational carrier now would be no harm starting the process because it takes a while and he knows that I still want to try to grow my lining…

What he doesn’t know is that I WILL carry my own baby. Period.

I will not give up on myself. I will not stop researching studies and various techniques throughout the world for women with my problem. There HAS to be a solution. Some link. Some medicine. Some sort of indirect association that just needs to be found to put it all together.

I’m not only doing this for myself….I refuse to give up on the hundreds of other women with this problem, Chronically Thin Endometrium. If they don’t have the strength or opportunity to search and test other options before having to turn to a gestational carrier…I will do the work for them. I will fight for them and I will post everything here.

I didn’t go to med school. I’m not a Dr. or an RE….and I never will be. But I am a patient…and I have a problem….and that problem needs a solution. I understand that certain treatments that “should” work are not working….so maybe we should think out of the box? Obviously my case is unique….therefore I need a UNIQUE plan….seems simple right?!

I am very thankful that my RE has agreed to try “experimental” protocols with me(let’s just say I wouldn’t take no for an answer…ha!). Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to put my life in danger but I also don’t want to give up on something that I feel can be solved, can be figured out…with a little effort….

So, there ya have it. I will continue these Estradiol Valerate shots for the next week (maybe my lining will miraculously perk up??) and then on to Tamoxifen. It is one of those experimental things….it’s currently used for breast cancer patients but this study showed promising results….for us thin lining ladies….

Don’t give up on hope. Whether it be for thin lining, PCOS, poor egg quality, immune issues, overweight, underweight, no ovulation, RPL, etc…..you are not alone. Remember…there’s always someone in your corner….cheering you on..and fighting for you….

Determination…..that’s what it’s about and I’m ready to battle….

Theres-no-force-equal-to-that-of-a-determined-woman

 

 

When Will I Be Pregnant?…..You Ask??

Trying-for-a-baby

How….very……….rude of you….

That’s I how I feel when I get asked that…almost every day. Because, clearly, I’m not the one who decides….It seems like people should “get” it…but they don’t.

Why is it something that people feel they need to ask?

Why is it socially acceptable to ask?

Why do people feel like they need to “help” you figure it out????

I remember being single….very single and attending most of my friends weddings….solo.

I was the inspiration for 27 Dresses, I swear. I’ve been a bridesmaid or maid of honor in over 16 weddings…no joke. It’s not fun to go to weddings alone. But I did……and I remember people asking questions like….”When are you getting married?” “You’re such a great catch.” Well, thanks (random person I just met at a wedding) but…I’m not getting married anytime soon…I(clearly) don’t even have a boyfriend…so thanks for making me feel bad about myself for not knowing when I’m getting married (que anxiety attack in bathroom..and more WINE).

Now, that is how I feel about not having a child.

I know one day I will have a child. Just like I knew one day I would find my husband.

So stop asking because I’ve got it covered!

I’ve kept most of this infertility business to myself…and my hubby. For me, we are the only ones that need to know. Simple as that…(o.k….and all of you guys too 😉

But everyone….from my landlord to my boss to my mother in law….ALL want to know WHEN I’ll be pregnant…and guess what? It’s none of your business and oh, yah…I HAVE NO CLUE! I now tell them…it’s not up to me….it’s up to God. And end it with that….if they believe in God they say…”Oh, well I’m sure it will happen soon hun…I’ll pray for you” and if they don’t….well that just shuts them up (and hopefully makes them think about it).

But it’s true. It isn’t up to us WHEN we will become pregnant. For some, it’s an “accident”(btw…one of my biggest pet peeves is when people say that about their kids) For others, like us in the infertility world,…it’s a miracle. A beautiful, imperfect, yet perfect miracle.

Some people wish for more money. Some people wish for a bigger home. Some people wish for a better job.

I wish for our miracle. Something most people take for granted every day..being able to get pregnant and have a healthy child…

What a miracle…

But I don’t know when that will be. So I can’t answer that question anymore…and I’m not going to…

WHEN it happens is when everyone will know….and it’s as simple as that….