You know that you’ve been on this infertility journey for a while when one of your best friend’s tells you she’s pregnant and you don’t feel anything. Just numb….
That’s what happened today. Numb. I knew she was trying.They started trying 12 weeks ago. She’s now 12 weeks along.
I so wish to be that friend that squeals and jumps up and down with JOY over her pregnancy announcement. But I just feel numb.
She was hesitant to tell me too. She’s one of the only friends I’ve actually told about SOME of my issues. She has NO clue that I’ve already been through every HSG, Sono, 100s of blood drawings, 2 IVF’s, multiple cancelled FET’s…and so on. I don’t have to tell you all what we go through…it sucks
I’m not jealous, I’m not mad, I’m not sad, I’m not confused…I’m just numb.
I’m asking myself now though…will this change? Will I “feel” again? Will I only allow myself to be happy after we have a child?
I know children bring happiness…but, right now, for me….a child=happiness. Its not right.
I know it’s not right…I’ll get through it…but “true” happiness? I haven’t felt that in a long time. I can put on a happy face, I can laugh, I can have “fun”….but it’s always in the back of my head….OR it’s ALWAYS brought up.
Anyways…this literally JUST happened and I started writing……you all.
You all are the ones I think about first. You all are the ones that pop in my head when I see anything “pregnant”.
You get it. You’re the only ones that get it.
Thanks for being there…my “Get It Girls” 🙂 xoxo