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After writing on this blog for almost 1 year, I don’t think I really ever explained why I’m here.

Sure, I have infertility. But I’m probably one of the few people who actually knows why she is infertile. I don’t know how to fix it…but I know how I got here…

Here’s my story:

When I was 9 yrs old, I got very sick. I was taken to the Dr.’s office numerous times and they said I just have a bad case of the flu. I’m a pretty tough cookie and my Mom knew it so when I continued to complain and my health steadily declined, she could see that I was dying in front of her eyes. She took me back over 5 times and on the 5th time when they told her to go away and take me back home….she said, “No, you are admitting my daughter to the hospital…something is wrong and I’m not going to let her die in front of me!”
I was only 9, but I remember her actually saying that….I didn’t understand it really but I knew I was very weak and everything hurt.

She was right.

My appendix had actually ruptured days ago. I was dying…right in front of her eyes.

The Dr.’s couldn’t believe how well I had handled all of this pain. They rushed me into surgery and tried to save me.

I made it out of surgery…but we were still not out of the danger zone. This was just the first step. Because my appendix burst, toxic fluid was all over inside of my body. They tried to get it all out but it is very hard to do once it ruptures and especially because I was so young and small.

I was in the hospital for over 2 months. My blood being drawn every couple of hours because my white blood cell count was always off. I remember crying about the needle and tape they would use on my tiny arm…I still have the scar on my left wrist from the numerous ivs in it…I’m looking at it as I type…

I turned 10 in the hospital and what I remember is a bunch of “Get Well” cards from my friends in school and a priest. I didn’t know it…but the hospital didn’t have high hopes for my recovery. They gave my Mom a 40% chance. I remember the priest praying over my bed. I didn’t know why he was there but I do remember him being a nice, calm man with grey hair and a “book” 🙂

I knew I wasn’t going to die. I guess everyone else didn’t realize I already had that figured out 🙂 I don’t think that goes through a child’s mind. Death. At least it didn’t for me…

It was a long road but after 2 months laying in the hospital and another year after that in and out of Dr’s offices…I was able to finally go back to school…and try to live a “normal” life.

I’ve been lucky. I guess I can say that? Since I’m still here..and alive?

I’ve had to have other surgeries. I had one at the age of 19 to remove an 11cm cyst on my right ovary. They ended up having to remove my right ovary and right fallopian tube.

I guess after that, I should have looked more closely at my future fertility. But when you’re 19, you don’t think about things like that…I was just happy to have another surgery down and to be healing.

Then time passed. And years went by. 21, 25, 28, 30. I wasn’t even trying to start a family yet because I hadn’t met my husband. I did always go to my OBGYN diligently every year. I thought that she would tell me if she ever saw something that I needed to get checked out..but that never happened.

It wasn’t until we got married and immediately started trying to have a family where things started to unfold. I didn’t want to believe that after all I had been through….that this might just be the beginning. If I wanted to start a family, it was going to be a process…to say the least…

And now, I am here.

I only have one ovary and one fallopian tube. Through HSG we found that my one tube is blocked and to top that off I have hydrosalpinx, I had a hysteroscopy to clean out my scar tissue and insert an Essure coil to block the hydrosalpinx, I’ve been thorough 2 IVF’s, one cancelled FET and an endometrial lining that doesn’t seem to want to get past 4mm 🙁

But I am still here.

I’m here because I want to help anyone in my situation. I want to tell everyone who’s had a ruptured appendix that your fertility is in danger. They didn’t tell me that…not even a mention.

I’m taking control of this. One day, I will get pregnant and stay pregnant and deliver a healthy baby(babies). And I want to let anyone going through fertility issues to be able to learn from my situation. I have it all folks: damaged tubes, unresponsive uterine lining, cysts, DOR, only one lazy ovary and scar tissue all around.

But I’m still here….fighting.

I’ve decided this is my year of “No”

No, Dr’s, you won’t tell me I’m an impossible case that can’t be fixed. No, I won’t “Give up” because I don’t have another option. No, I won’t just do what every Dr. tells me because they went to med school and follow what precedent has been set.

I’m unique. Therefore I need a unique plan of action.

I know it won’t be easy but I know I’m not a “lost cause”.

And that’s why l am here.

Thank you all for reading my story of why I’m here.

We all have our own story…and I’m glad to be here to support you all too.

Thank you for supporting me on this journey…

We are gonna get through this…

…one…step..at…a…time….

 

27 Comments on Why I’m here

  1. Wow, you have such an amazing spirit and fight in you! I am so encouraged by you and your story. Thank you for sharing! I am so looking forward to the day I get to read the post where you are pregnant!

    • Thank you. It helps so much having a supportive group like this. And yes, seeing the pregnant posts from everyone here makes me so very happy and hopeful…appreciate your support and you all will def be the firsts to know when I am pregnant 🙂 xoxoxo

  2. Thank you for opening up. I know how hard that can be … And yet is so important for this journey to proceed and unfold. You have been through so very much and also blessed with your mothers strength to continue moving towards what is right! Continuing to send you prayers and strength as you get closer to your child/children one day at a time!

  3. I’m so sorry to hear you are having lining problems. I totally get what that is like! I’m the girl that needs injectibles for an FET! I had two cancelled FET cycles last year….I was so disappointed. Hang in there!

  4. Thank you for this post! It is exactly what I needed to see, as I sit here waiting for my 5 day embryo report. This is IVF #2 for us, and last time we lost all three of our embryos on days 5 and 6; it’s hard not to be afraid that the same thing will happen today. But your post has inspired me to stay hopeful, and to recognize that I have the strength to get through whatever happens. Thank you, and good luck to you!

  5. Thank you so much for sharing your story. You’ve been through a lot! You are so brave and inspiring. I like your year of “No,” especially to nay saying doctors. I wish you all the best!

  6. DOD: I just ran across your blog and feel compelled to leave you a note. Our stories are damn near identical. Ruptured appendix at age 12, I walked around for five days after rupture. Kidneys shut down and I nearly lost my life. (My parents still ask “Are you sure you’re OK” every time I sneeze.) No doctor ever mentioned the risk of fertility issues – ever!

    At age 28, during a regular gyno visit, my doc found a 12cm cyst on my right ovary, mere days after running a marathon. (Hm, pain tolerance issues much?) I lost my right ovary and tube and immediately turned my attention to my fertility. Lining drama, dealing with severely immature eggs, two canceled IVF cycles and a hydro on my left tube. Struggled cycle after cycle with my lining thickness and fluid in my lining.

    My RE finally recommended removing the left tube entirely, and boy am I glad I did. I didn’t realize how much pain the hydrosalpinx caused. And finally my lining began responding, sans fluid. That was really the turning point for me. I still struggle with immature eggs (will get 10-11 eggs in retrieval and only 4-5 will be mature), but all it took was one … And finally getting to transfer embryos. I’m now 10 weeks pregnant.

    Sorry for the length, I was just stunned to see some of my same frustrations/emotions mirrored in your writing – specifically your childhood background. Don’t lose faith. I can’t tell you how many times my RE shook his head and looked at me like “seriously, what else could be wrong with you.” It will happen for you. Wishing many blessings to you and your hubby.

    • Wow Gretchen! Never thought I would meet someone with almost the exact same story! And so happy for you that you’re pregnant! It’s been a looong road…as you read my story. I had hydrosalpinx as well and instead of removing my tube(my Dr. thought it would cause more scar tissue for me and more damage) We inserted an Essure coil and that blocked the tube…that was back in Aug and my lining still won’t seem to get past 4mm 🙁 I had a lot of scar tissue in my uterus though and my RE said he saw some “bald” spots…so that’s not good. I’m just going to keep trying to heal my lining and pray that one day I’ll be pregnant too :)…hopefully very soon:) Congrats again and please keep in touch!!!!

  7. I share a similar story. Got a dermoid cyst when I was nine. Weird so they had to remove my right ovary and falliopian tube. Then got another cyst on the left ovary at 23 and they had to remove part of the left ovary. Went into perimenopause. No money to really do fertility preservation. Finally got married at 31 and we are trying to get pregnant. Might only have the choice of IVF to have biological kids. I don’t know if I can do it. But I think it is awesome that you are still trying. You are amazing.

    • Thanks alicia3234…I had a dermoid cyst too(when they removed my R ovary and tube). It’s tough…having all of these other obstacles…but it can happen…anything can happen. Listen to your heart and your gut. You’ll know when something feels right or if it doesn’t. I appreciate your kind words and support…please keep me updated and best of luck 🙂 xoxo

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