Month: March 2014

Why I’m here

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After writing on this blog for almost 1 year, I don’t think I really ever explained why I’m here.

Sure, I have infertility. But I’m probably one of the few people who actually knows why she is infertile. I don’t know how to fix it…but I know how I got here…

Here’s my story:

When I was 9 yrs old, I got very sick. I was taken to the Dr.’s office numerous times and they said I just have a bad case of the flu. I’m a pretty tough cookie and my Mom knew it so when I continued to complain and my health steadily declined, she could see that I was dying in front of her eyes. She took me back over 5 times and on the 5th time when they told her to go away and take me back home….she said, “No, you are admitting my daughter to the hospital…something is wrong and I’m not going to let her die in front of me!”
I was only 9, but I remember her actually saying that….I didn’t understand it really but I knew I was very weak and everything hurt.

She was right.

My appendix had actually ruptured days ago. I was dying…right in front of her eyes.

The Dr.’s couldn’t believe how well I had handled all of this pain. They rushed me into surgery and tried to save me.

I made it out of surgery…but we were still not out of the danger zone. This was just the first step. Because my appendix burst, toxic fluid was all over inside of my body. They tried to get it all out but it is very hard to do once it ruptures and especially because I was so young and small.

I was in the hospital for over 2 months. My blood being drawn every couple of hours because my white blood cell count was always off. I remember crying about the needle and tape they would use on my tiny arm…I still have the scar on my left wrist from the numerous ivs in it…I’m looking at it as I type…

I turned 10 in the hospital and what I remember is a bunch of “Get Well” cards from my friends in school and a priest. I didn’t know it…but the hospital didn’t have high hopes for my recovery. They gave my Mom a 40% chance. I remember the priest praying over my bed. I didn’t know why he was there but I do remember him being a nice, calm man with grey hair and a “book” 🙂

I knew I wasn’t going to die. I guess everyone else didn’t realize I already had that figured out 🙂 I don’t think that goes through a child’s mind. Death. At least it didn’t for me…

It was a long road but after 2 months laying in the hospital and another year after that in and out of Dr’s offices…I was able to finally go back to school…and try to live a “normal” life.

I’ve been lucky. I guess I can say that? Since I’m still here..and alive?

I’ve had to have other surgeries. I had one at the age of 19 to remove an 11cm cyst on my right ovary. They ended up having to remove my right ovary and right fallopian tube.

I guess after that, I should have looked more closely at my future fertility. But when you’re 19, you don’t think about things like that…I was just happy to have another surgery down and to be healing.

Then time passed. And years went by. 21, 25, 28, 30. I wasn’t even trying to start a family yet because I hadn’t met my husband. I did always go to my OBGYN diligently every year. I thought that she would tell me if she ever saw something that I needed to get checked out..but that never happened.

It wasn’t until we got married and immediately started trying to have a family where things started to unfold. I didn’t want to believe that after all I had been through….that this might just be the beginning. If I wanted to start a family, it was going to be a process…to say the least…

And now, I am here.

I only have one ovary and one fallopian tube. Through HSG we found that my one tube is blocked and to top that off I have hydrosalpinx, I had a hysteroscopy to clean out my scar tissue and insert an Essure coil to block the hydrosalpinx, I’ve been thorough 2 IVF’s, one cancelled FET and an endometrial lining that doesn’t seem to want to get past 4mm 🙁

But I am still here.

I’m here because I want to help anyone in my situation. I want to tell everyone who’s had a ruptured appendix that your fertility is in danger. They didn’t tell me that…not even a mention.

I’m taking control of this. One day, I will get pregnant and stay pregnant and deliver a healthy baby(babies). And I want to let anyone going through fertility issues to be able to learn from my situation. I have it all folks: damaged tubes, unresponsive uterine lining, cysts, DOR, only one lazy ovary and scar tissue all around.

But I’m still here….fighting.

I’ve decided this is my year of “No”

No, Dr’s, you won’t tell me I’m an impossible case that can’t be fixed. No, I won’t “Give up” because I don’t have another option. No, I won’t just do what every Dr. tells me because they went to med school and follow what precedent has been set.

I’m unique. Therefore I need a unique plan of action.

I know it won’t be easy but I know I’m not a “lost cause”.

And that’s why l am here.

Thank you all for reading my story of why I’m here.

We all have our own story…and I’m glad to be here to support you all too.

Thank you for supporting me on this journey…

We are gonna get through this…

…one…step..at…a…time….

 

FET Lining Checks

Well, I tried to bully my lining into growing..and it didn’t listen 🙁

I started estrogen therapy March 11. I took Estradiol orally for the first couple of days. I also added Viagra (Sildenafil) Suppositories and Estradiol Suppositories.

After 8 days…my lining was about 3.6 with fluid in between.

After 12 days, the fluid was gone but my lining was still only 4mm.

And after 15 days, my lining had more fluid and was still barely 4mm 🙁

So we move on. FET cancelled.

I’m looking at going to a specialist in Uterine Surgery. I had scar tissue removed and maybe I have more? I’m very fortunate to live in the city where this specialist is located…I think it is a sign and maybe I’ll get more answers.

I wish I had better news but wanted to update you all. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers.

I’m praying for each one of you….we are all gonna get there….

They say every dark cloud has a silver lining….I’ll find my “silver” lining one day……I truly believe it….

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