I sit here crying thinking about how many friends I’m losing because of my infertility.

It’s a really weird thing…nothing I can control, I’m trying to do everything to stop it…but now, no matter what, if I don’t have a baby and everyone else does…I lose those friends.

Friends hang out with friends that they have things in common with. 90% of my friends have babies. They have play dates, they go to school together, they talk about all baby things…with me…they ask WHEN I’m going to have a baby….and that’s it….

Losing friends….

I’m lost and I’m losing more and more friends every month..another pregnancy announcement, another friend lost..
I know that the reality is…it’s that I’m jealous. I know I shouldn’t be jealous. I try. I really, really try not be…but it’s hard.

I want to be a part of that group. It’s an “elite” group in my book.
To some, it’s not. It’s simply not taking your birth control or not using a condom and bang….you’re pregnant.

To me, it’s praying every day. It’s timing, it’s supplements, it’s daily doctors appts, it’s needles, tons of needles, it’s thousands & thousands of dollars for a CHANCE. Not even a guarantee but a chance at maybe…one day…being able to create a life and becoming a parent….the only thing I’ve ever wanted to do in my entire life.

It’s going through one round of IVF….now onto round 2 of IVF…and who knows how many more…..

I don’t own a house…because I’m trying to have a baby…….

I’m just sad but thankful that 2013 is coming to a close. I pray that 2014 will be better.

Just better.

I don’t want to feel jealous when others announce a pregnancy. I don’t want to lie about “not” trying to have a baby just to hide the fact that we’ve been trying for over 2 years now. And I don’t want to write something like this ever again on my blog.

This is a low point friends…and I don’t want to feel this again.

Thank you for listening. Thank you for your support. And most importantly, thank you for being the amazingly strong women(and men) that you are to share your stories with the world.

You all inspire me. You all keep me going on this unfair journey. And you ALL have a major role in conquering this beast. We will conquer infertility. One way or another.

I will not give up.

WE will NOT give up.

Here’s to 2014 and making ALL of our dreams come true….xoxo

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18 Comments on Losing Friends…

  1. I love to see you write that you will not give up! 🙂 All of my friends also have children…all of my cousins have children…it’s hard and I used to isolate myself from them on purpose but then I started to feel lonely. I’m 30 and the only ones not having babies were, well, babies in my eyes (20 years old). Soooo, I starting tackling my jealousy through prayer because I knew it wasn’t a good trait and it probably looked ugly on me. Well, I know it did because my hubby confronted me about it. I am now to a place where I can go over to my cousins house when she is having a play date with all of my other friends (and their kids) and play with the kids while the moms take a break. It’s my gift to them…especially since i KNOW I will have kids one day and I will need them to babysit 😉 wink, wink! hehehe. xoxoxo! This is going to be your year!

    • Thank you Elisha….you always have the perfect words to cheer me up 🙂 And I KNOW we will have kids one day too….patience and His timing…not mine….I must remember that 😉 I feel like this is our year too!

  2. 2014 is just around the corner, and it will be better cause we will make it better. Just remember everyone that is here, and although New friends don’t fill the space from old friends, they do offer a unique support and love that is found in many new relationships. You’re not alone because we all are here. Mucho hugs and love is being sent your way, anytime and every time you need it!!!

    • Thank you buckrugerlayla! Yes…can’t wait for 2014! And I appreciate each and every one of my new friends..especially you all in the cyber world through blogging….thank you very much for the hugs and support! Truly appreciate it!! 🙂

    • I feel you Lo…I’ll go ahead and put you as a “co-author”…we are ALL in this infertility battle TOGETHER. We’re the only ones that “get it”. We will overcome in 2014! Hugs right back at ya! xo

  3. Even though I’m early in my journey, I can relate. When you don’t have anything in common anymore, it’s hard to keep going. And not having anything in common doesn’t stop at them having children and me not, it stops at their ability to understand and empathize with this battle I’m fighting. It sucks 🙁

    • Thanks Alexis…yes, I know it’s really hard…especially when you’re first starting out. Infertility absolutely sucks. It’s not fair and others will not “get it”. You will feel alone but realize that we are all here for you. We will be here through the ups and downs and if you ever have any questions, feel free to ask. You WILL get through this and you WILL have a baby in your arms one day…just believe 🙂 Best wishes on your journey!

  4. Just stumbled across uour blog… after going through three failed ivf attempts and an ectopic pregnancy in 2013 i can feel the pain and desperation and not to mention the jealousy which creeps in whenever i get to hear somebody else’s “good news” . But we have to rise above all this and wait for our turn . And even i feel its just around the corner … good luck hope this year brings us some positive results!!

  5. Hi there! I found your blog today and this post just made my heart ache for you! I totally understand the feelings of jealousy. I have them too, but I guess I am lucky that I have friends both with and without kids, but they are all behind me 100%. You may have already and I just haven’t gotten through all the posts to read about it, but I would think about maybe opening up to your friends…you could be surprised by how supportive they may be. And you could be surprised that someone else may have struggled with infertility also and you just don’t know about it. I can’t wait to read the rest of your story! Prayers and baby dust to you!!!

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