I sit here crying thinking about how many friends I’m losing because of my infertility.
It’s a really weird thing…nothing I can control, I’m trying to do everything to stop it…but now, no matter what, if I don’t have a baby and everyone else does…I lose those friends.
Friends hang out with friends that they have things in common with. 90% of my friends have babies. They have play dates, they go to school together, they talk about all baby things…with me…they ask WHEN I’m going to have a baby….and that’s it….
I’m lost and I’m losing more and more friends every month..another pregnancy announcement, another friend lost..
I know that the reality is…it’s that I’m jealous. I know I shouldn’t be jealous. I try. I really, really try not be…but it’s hard.
I want to be a part of that group. It’s an “elite” group in my book.
To some, it’s not. It’s simply not taking your birth control or not using a condom and bang….you’re pregnant.
To me, it’s praying every day. It’s timing, it’s supplements, it’s daily doctors appts, it’s needles, tons of needles, it’s thousands & thousands of dollars for a CHANCE. Not even a guarantee but a chance at maybe…one day…being able to create a life and becoming a parent….the only thing I’ve ever wanted to do in my entire life.
It’s going through one round of IVF….now onto round 2 of IVF…and who knows how many more…..
I don’t own a house…because I’m trying to have a baby…….
I’m just sad but thankful that 2013 is coming to a close. I pray that 2014 will be better.
I don’t want to feel jealous when others announce a pregnancy. I don’t want to lie about “not” trying to have a baby just to hide the fact that we’ve been trying for over 2 years now. And I don’t want to write something like this ever again on my blog.
This is a low point friends…and I don’t want to feel this again.
Thank you for listening. Thank you for your support. And most importantly, thank you for being the amazingly strong women(and men) that you are to share your stories with the world.
You all inspire me. You all keep me going on this unfair journey. And you ALL have a major role in conquering this beast. We will conquer infertility. One way or another.
I will not give up.
WE will NOT give up.
Here’s to 2014 and making ALL of our dreams come true….xoxo